Taking a Walk with a Sleestack

The night started like any other. I was on the couch drinking a coke in my favorite plastic cup with tons of ice, remote control in hand and my wife safely a few feet from me quietly reading. A perfect time to enjoy the television "I" want to watch.

That's when I saw the commercial for Will Ferrell's new movie Land of the Lost, based on the 1974 television series of the same name. After watching the trailer I couldn't help but think about all the great TV shows of the 1970's that have been ruined by Hollywood.

I went to bed that night and slept restlessly. I ended up in a vivid dream taking a walk with a Sleestack. This strange looking guide walked me through images and flashes of the never ending reel of Hollywood's botched visions. All danced through my head like in a haze of color and sound. My list grew long and as my mind raced, I could tell that eventually I would wake and have to jot this all down. Here is just a hint, a Top 5 list, of movies that were ruined by Hollywood's magic touch.

First, Starsky and Hutch. I was really too young to enjoy this show for what it really was. But, I can't shake the image of that red and white Gran Torino. The movie didn't do this show justice. This was a serious detective drama with all the ingredients that if added together properly could have created a wonderful movie masterpiece. But, everyone blew it. It was funny, but had no soul. Shame on you Ben Stiller.

Second, Charlie's Angels. I mean really. You take a great show about beautiful and cunning women, with an original cast made up of female icons like Jacqueline Smith and Farah Fawcett, and you give me Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu in a movie remake. Not even close! Throw in a ridiculous theme song penned by Beyonce Knowles and what you have is the unwatchable. So, I didn't watch it. The pain was too intense.

Next, Dukes of Hazard. What didn't the movie producers get about a tight knit southern family made up of a wise old man, his two ingenious and courageous male nephews and his beautiful independent niece? Why go for a comedic interpretation? Why turn Bo into a baffoon, Luke into twit, and Daisy into a scatterbrain? Not following here. Another shot way off the mark. A show that should have remained where it was, safely tucked away in the 1970's where it belonged.

Then there's Scooby Doo. The movie characters were nothing like their cartoon counterparts. Why is there such a negative agenda aimed at male characters. Why are men becoming Homer Simpsonified? This movie portrays Fred as a goof. I think we all remember just how clever, brave, and brilliant this character was in the cartoon. Why take that away from a big screen adaptation? When was Daphne such of a focal point? They should have left sleeping dogs lie on this one!

Finally, The Wild Wild West. Anyone remember this Will Smith disaster? I certainly don't. I love him, I do. He is a great actor. But this movie was all wrong. They tried to take risks; they tried to make it a mega hit. They strayed too far from the original premise. They didn't do enough to connect with the people who would have followed the television series. Another theme song gone awry too!

That is where the sleestack left me. Staring at these movie mistakes and feeling powerless. If only I had been consulted. My phone was on, trust me. I could have been reached.