Tales of the Bars of Irish New York

Years ago in Queens, a bar owner who had been in one location for many years had his landlord drop by. Noticing the bar's success, the landlord decided to cash in. The next time the bartender was offered his renewal, he found to his chagrin that the landlord had more than doubled his rent.

The bartender said nothing to the landlord about his rent renewal. Each day, as the end of the lease drew near, the landlord would visit the bar owner to ask whether he would be renewing the space. Finally, on the last day of the lease with the bar in full-swing, the bar owner announced to his long-time patrons that the bar was being moved across the street. Each was asked to take a table, chair or liquor and help carry it across the street in exchange for drinks. The bar tender never lost one day in business and kept all his customers. The landlord was left with an empty building and a fight to find a suitable tenant.

Saint Patrick's Day was a make or break holiday for all of the Irish bars that lined the parade route in Manhattan's Upper East side. Each year, the custom was that all of the bars would put out free or cheap Irish food as a gesture of hospitality. It didn't hurt beer or whiskey sales either that Corned Beef and Cabbage with boiled potatoes, the traditional favorite, was loaded with salt and sure to drive up sales.

On this particular morning, the cook for one of Yorkville's largest and most popular Irish bars fell deathly ill at the last moment. The frantic owner called all of the local temporary agencies trying to find a replacement on this most essential of days. The only cook left unhired was a Chinese man, so with great reluctance, the bar owner hired him after being assured that he was an excellent cook who would have no problem preparing the requisite feast.

After all, thought the bar owner, how hard can it be to prepare corned beef and cabbage? It's nothing more than boiling the corned-beef and adding cabbage. The owner greeted his new Chinese chef, explained what he wanted and went back to tend bar. Although the new man's English needed some work, he seemed amiable and efficient enough. The owner was certain that he was in good hands. Several hours later, with the bar about to open up for the Saint Patrick's Day rush, the bar owner walked back to find the banquet neatly laid out-with Chicken Chow Mein.

Back in the old days, many of the judges came straight through the ranks of Irish but a generation removed from the old sod and some still had feet wet from the crossing. Two bar owners came before salty Judge Gallagher to defend their rights to the trademark, "Blarney Stone," a renowned Irish icon said to bestow the gift of eloquence upon anyone fortunate enough to kiss it. The owner of the Blarney Stone chain alleged patent infringement by a competing bar owner who titled his chain, "Blarney Star."

Which bar provided the most authentic Irish experience? Which most closely captured the essence of a wee dram taken by a blazing turf fireplace? The two bartenders appeared before the tough Irish judge ready to battle for the right to claim the most authentic Irish bar in New York. When the bar owners appeared before the judge, he asked them each to give their names. Goldstein, said the owner of the Blarney Star. Weinstein, said Blarney Stone owner. Case dismissed, said the judge.