Talk to Your Teenager: Things Every Girl Should Know About Self-Defense

It can be a dangerous world out there and as parents we constantly worry about what our children will experience and deal with on their own. It's especially difficult as the parent of a teenager. They are teetering on the verge of adulthood yet they are inexperienced and sometimes naïve about the harsh reality of life. Most teenagers seem to feel as if they have a "bullet-proof" shield around them and that bad things couldn't possibly happen to them. They tend to be reckless and rebellious in ways that make us cringe. It's our job to talk to them about the things that they might have to face one day and prepare them to deal with them without scaring them to death. It's a tall order but we have to do our best. Here are a few things that every parent should discuss with their teenage daughter.

Many teenagers are home alone for significant portions of the day. Their parents work and they are old enough to take care of themselves for a few hours. Yet if a criminal is intent upon harming your child they will also know your family's schedule and habits-they will make it their job to learn these things. What your teen can do to protect herself is to keep the doors and windows locked. If you have an alarm system have her turn it on when she's home alone. Make sure she keeps a phone close by no matter where she is in the house. If she has a friend that lives nearby and is also alone, suggest that they pair up together. They can take turns staying at each other's house and help each other with homework. It's much harder to attack two people together and a random schedule makes it much harder for a criminal to plan anything. Make a time to check in with your teen every day.

It's also a good idea to talk to your daughter about a plan if something does occur. What should she do if somebody breaks in? What if they broke in through the back door, or the laundry room window? What if she didn't hear anything until he was already inside? These are important things to think about because she will have a clearer idea of what to do if something does happen. Discuss a variety of scenarios and plans of action. Program certain essential numbers into her cell phone-not only your phone numbers but the neighbors, 911, anyone you can think of that would be helpful. If she doesn't have a cell phone consider buying one of those pre-paid ones for this purpose. Explain it's only for checking in with you and for emergencies. For anything else she can use the regular phone.

We all know that we can't keep our children locked inside all of the time, especially during the summer. Unless your teen has a summer job she'll want to spend time with her friends, hang out at the pool and generally find fun things to do. Set up the ground rules before summer begins so she knows your expectations ahead of time. For example, if she wants to ride her bike to the neighborhood pool and hang out with friends. Have her call you to tell you whenever she leaves the house. Tell her she must call to confirm she arrived safely. Make sure she calls when leaving for home and arriving there as well. If she and her friends can ride bikes or walk in groups this is even better. Encouragel her to be aware of her surroundings at all times. She may not want to hear this but it's important for her and her friends to be aware that the pools, parks, and malls are the perfect hunting ground for perverts and pedophiles. If anyone follows her around or leaves at the same time she does she should pay attention. For example, if she sees a man watching her at the pool during the day and then he exits the pool at the same time she does. She could do several things. First she could go back to the pool area and call you on the phone and you can discuss the safest options. If her friends are there she could go back to them and explain the situation. No matter what she should follow her intuition and let you, her parent know that something is wrong. Also, tell her that she should never take rides from anyone by herself-even someone's father or brother whom she might think she knows. It's important for her to understand that she can't just blindly trust anyone. It's a sad fact that many women and girls are attacked or raped by somebody they know. Let her know that you expect to check in with each other several times throughout the day.

Talk to your daughter about self-defense. If it's possible take her to a class or seminar. If it's not, do some research with her online and discuss the topic with her. Self-defense is about more than learning a few kicking and shouting techniques. It's about using your head, your heart, your intuition and your senses to keep out of potentially dangerous situations. Walking tall and looking outward, being aware of what's around you, paying attention when you get in and out of cars, and listening to your intuition are all vital to proactively defending yourself.

Sit down at the computer with her and look up your town's sex offender website. She may think that rapists and criminals only live in big cities or that there are none in your neighborhood. This is not a scare tactic, it's an aware tactic. If you know that there are pedophiles or rapists living nearby it can give you the incentive to be more aware of your safety. It will also help her to recognize these criminals if she ever sees one around her or her friends.

It's also important to talk to her about her friends and issues with alcohol, drugs, and other potentially destructive behaviors. She should know that when people drink or take drugs their behavior can change radically. A sweet, shy person can become a dancing queen, inhibitions melt, and accidents happen. She probably already knows this, but she needs to know that you do as well. Talk to her about date rape and how to avoid it. Explain that she should never drink from anyone else's cup, accept a drink from somebody else, or leave hers alone. Set up a plan together on how she will deal with certain scenarios such as; whether or not to ride with a drunk friend, binge drinking, being drunk and afraid to come home, being offered drugs, being around people doing drugs, being propositioned, uncomfortable sexual behavior or approaches by an adult, and other situations that are unfortunately common amongst teenagers. Help her to work through her responses to these issues and let her know that you will always be there for her in any case. Even if she's drunk or high she can call you to rescue her. Let her know that there will be consequences but the most important thing is her safety. She can count on you to save her if she makes a mistake and deal with the problem the next day.

You can't guarantee that your daughter will always make the right choices, be in the right place at the right time, or always be safe and free from harm. Yet if you keep open those lines of communication and proactively plan a "safety net" then you can certainly better the odds. This article has focused on teenage girls because they are the most common victims of sexual abuse or rape. Yet it's just as vital to make this a topic of discussion for the whole family and for all of your children to follow the same safety plan. Stay informed, stay aware, stay connected and stay safe.