Talking With Your Child About Their Adoption

Through personal experience I can state emphatically that talking with your child about being an adoptee is the most important issue you will ever have to deal with in your life. Adoption affects everyone's life, and the adoptee is the one whose life has been altered in many dramatic ways. Take the time to discuss the important issue of adoption, but know there are a few guidelines that you will want to consider along the way when beginning the process of talking with your child about their adoption.

My adoptive mother always believed there is a right time and way to do things, and this is true for discussing the issue of adoption with your child. There is no escaping the adoption fact that the issue will need to be handled at some point. In fact it is especially true in today's world because more parents are choosing racially and culturally diverse babies and children to adopt, such as in an international adoption. Also, more parents are choosing open adoptions as a way to bring a child into their home. Remember, talking with your child about adoption does not have to be a scary thing, but one that is full of joy and anticipation.

So how do you explain adoption to a child? In particular, how do you begin talking with your child about adoption? Read a few of these tips that my very wise adoptive mother used with me, and believe me it worked.

• Be truthful when talking with your child about their adoption. Never underestimate the power of a lie, or attempting to conceal the information. Children are extremely perceptive, but their perception can be damaged if they feel you are ashamed of the fact they are adopted. If they ever find out the truth they may feel hurt that you lied.

• When talking with your child about adoption begin by answering questions that they bring up to you. By attempting to force too much information at an age that is not appropriate, could lead to dramatic misunderstandings and psychological damage. Don't worry your child will ask questions at their own inclination. If you're open about the fact of their adoption they will feel comfortable in coming to you in time and asking.

• Keep a sense of humor about the adoption experience, but remain sensitive for the situation. An example of a funny thing that happened might be that dad forgot to bring the diapers on your long trip home after the adoption was finalized. Young children love to laugh at what you thought and what happened.

Talking with your child about adoption involves learning to speak compassionately about known information of their birth mother and father. Don't run them down or criticize them harshly because a child's psyche can relate this information as a reflection on them, or even a desire to search them out at an age that is not appropriate.

Present opportunities to talk by grabbing a special book or tape that deals with love, and what it means to be a family. Answer questions from your child when talking about adoption in the tone that they ask, or one in which you want to convey at the moment. These moments are highly personal, and much can be learned from and about each other.