Talking with a Child, Tween or Teen About a Parent's Serious Illness

Parenting has been called the toughest job a person might ever love. Most parents dedicate decades of their adult lives to caring for their children, demonstrating their commitment and caring.

As a parent, what happens if you should receive a scary medical report, indicating that you may have a chronic, potentially debilitating or even terminal illness? How can you discuss your own potentially serious illness with a child, a tween or a teen? How much should a parent disclose?

Here are twelve talking tips for parents facing this difficult dilemma.

Be prayerful.

Prayer is powerful. Ask anyone who practices it. By taking time to pray through the situation before raising the issue of serious illness with a child, a tween or a teen, you may find wisdom and insights that will prove quite useful. This may be a brief pause or a more lengthy time of prayer.

Either way, prayer invites God into the problem, while allowing you an opportunity to step back for even a few moments.

Before any parent tells his or her children, tweens, teens or anyone else about a troubling medical diagnosis, prayer is an important first step.

Be present.

Difficult discussions can be significantly more challenging for parents who do not enjoy close communication with their children, tweens or teens. On the other hand, those who daily foster ongoing dialogue and spend considerable time together will usually find challenging topics can be handled more naturally.

If you are a parent who is present, you have probably already often earned the ears of your children, tweens and teens. This healthy rapport can be an important asset, should the time come to discuss a potentially serious parental illness.

Be informed.

Before you begin a discussion of your possibly troubling medical diagnosis with a child, tween or teen, it is important to do your homework. Ask your doctor for additional information, and make sure your questions are answered.

Do some research of your own, either online or at the local public library. Find out as much as you can about your condition. Look up common symptoms, possible treatments and even statistical prognoses for the illness you may have.

Your own level of preparedness will boost your confidence, as you talk with your child, tween or teen. In addition, you will be best equipped to respond intelligently to questions they may have.

Be mature.

As you face the prospect of a serious illness, you may feel somewhat overwhelmed, fearful and stressed. At the same time, however, you will probably want to maintain as much personal composure as possible when speaking with your child, tween or teen about your medical condition.

A scary or threatening diagnosis can test even the most even-keeled personality. Still, a parent must be a parent, as much as possible.

Be calm.

Similarly, a sense of calmness can be contagious, particularly with children, tweens and teens. If you can manage to remain somewhat serene, even in the personal turmoil you likely are facing, your offspring will benefit greatly.

Panic is also contagious, and it can only aggravate the entire situation. Stress can elevate the symptoms and accelerate the progression of many diseases, while also contributing to discord at home.

Certainly, we all have our moments, particularly when facing threatening news. Still, aiming for ongoing calm, whenever possible, can aid the entire family.

Be honest.

Youngsters seem to have an inner barometer than spots insincerity. It is nearly impossible to sustain untruth, particularly about parental illness, with children, tweens and teens.

Although you may choose to share the details of your medical condition selectively with your offspring, it is important to be as honest as possible. Perhaps children, tweens and teens do not need to know all the scary specifics of symptoms and treatments, but they definitely warrant an honest report.

Most important, your own child, tween or teen deserves to hear the troubling news directly from you, rather than third-hand from someone outside the family.

Be attentive.

Anyone who faces a dramatic change of health, particularly a potentially life-threatening or life-altering condition, may find it difficult to look beyond his or her own circumstances. As a parent, however, it is important to refocus and pay attention to children, tweens and teens.

As you share your troubling news with your youngster, consider their reactions. Each child, tween or teen may respond to the report differently.

In any given family, a teen may seem stoic, while a preteen may seem stressed, and a child may try to cheer the parent up. Or the roles may be shifted in an altogether different direction. On another day, the youngsters may respond in another way.

Even a sick or suffering parent will try hard to pay attention.

Be inquisitive.

As you share your challenging medical news, outlining your potentially serious illness with your child, tween or teen, you will want to gauge their understanding and feelings.

Ask plenty of questions to probe whether youngsters comprehend the situation. Do they realize how your medical diagnosis may affect their daily lives? Do they have questions or concerns? Are they troubled about your potential prognosis?

Be realistic.

Certainly, a special degree of tactfulness is important, when revealing troubling truths about your possible serious illness with your child, tween or teen. This must be balanced with realism. Clear communication is essential.

Realism need not be harsh, but it must be based in the facts, as they are currently available. Youngsters have an uncanny ability to sniff out insincerity and sugar-coating.

As time progresses and you gain additional information about your own medical condition, you will want to keep your children, tweens and teens apprised.

Be as positive as possible.

Even the harshest medical diagnoses and the most dismal-sounding statistics do not always spell disaster for everyone. Parents, of all people, can help to boost the faith of their families by remaining as hopeful as possible.

Be hopeful for healing.

Naivete is not necessary, but a positive attitude can actually add to your health. Certainly, an enthusiasm for life can enrich your family time and your own quality of life.

By maintaining as much positivity as possible, you can encourage your children, tweens and teens, although you may face a troubling medical diagnosis and possibly a serious illness.

Build your team.

Enlisting your child, tween or teen candidly in your fight for your health is an essential step towards your own healing and longevity.

A parent never goes off-duty. Even when children become tweens, tweens become teens, and teens become adults, a parent's job is never finished. Of course, our relationships with our offspring do become somewhat redefined, and our means of communication may mature.

Along the way, somehow we discover that our children have become our friends, we have become champions for one another, and we need the strength that only we can share.