Talking Sex with Your Child?

How to Explain Sex Without the Panic...Yours!

Kerry Mulherin
Discussing sex with a child can be a frightening experience, for the parent. The following scenario might help:

Now that you are old enough to feel sexually attracted to another individual, you need to know that the emotions and physical changes you are experiencing are completely normal. So whether or not you think you should be having these kinds of thoughts or physical changes in your body, just know that they are involuntary and entirely normal for all of us.

Having sexual feelings is a bit like our appetite in the beginning; we start feeling hungry because we see or smell something yummy, and whether we know we should eat it or not, our tummies start rumbling and our mouths water. These responses are not something that any of us have control over, but learning how to react to those feelings or physical changes in an appropriate way is something you can do if you know how.

When you see someone who you feel attracted to, neurotransmitters in your brain send signals to parts of your body whose job it is to release hormones into your system. The hormones will cause a girl to feel wet, or make a young man's penis become stiff. All of these things can happen in a few seconds without any effort from you whatsoever.

During your teenage years, you might find that some of these changes occur at inconvenient or inappropriate times. Looking back at how our appetite causes changes; imagine you are in church and you suddenly smell donuts from the shop next door; whether you like it or not, your mouth will begin to water and you'll feel hungry, but you know it is not the time or place to be eating!

The changes we experience do not usually cause us too many problems, so long as you understand why they happen and react to them in a socially acceptable way. As you get older you will have more control over the physical responses, even if you see a beautiful girl/ handsome guy.

I remember I was walking around school with my friend and a guy she thought was really cute walked by. She always denied having a crush on him, but her nipples began to poke out and she got all embarrassed. Of course we all thought it was hilarious at the time, but she was not laughing. This is the same kind of physical change that a boy with an erection experiences.

Our bodies are quite fascinating, don't you think? After all, before we are told about hormones and puberty our bodies already knew what to do, but we have to be told. So, if you have any questions just let me know. You don't need to feel embarrassed, but if you want to ask me a question and you feel a bit weird talking to your Mum about it, shoot me a text message during recess.

Published by Kerry Mulherin

Kerry is a freelance writer and blogger. She is currently working toward an advanced degree in Industrial/Organizational Psychology with an emphasis on web business, member productivity and motivation, and i...  View profile

10 Comments

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  • Sheryl Young8/28/2009

    Kids and teens are being given horrid advice at school, and the subject is still largely ignored at places of faith. It's best the parents do it. Good job. And an interesting behavioral series you are doing. I'm giving you clicks.

  • Angela - Upon Request8/25/2009

    Good job. I've definitely had a few sex talks over the years!

  • Michael Segers8/25/2009

    Nice, honest work here... and I am glad to see that some of the commenters have displayed a similar honesty in talks with their children.

  • CJ Mathis8/24/2009

    I talked with my children when they were 12 years old I even taught them how to use condoms - all our friends were horrified and I think I did the right thing because neither of them had a child in their teens and in fact my daughter was in her mid 20's before she had her baby.

  • Patricia Sheasley Sicilia8/24/2009

    I told my daughter, quoting Ladka's mother on "Taxi," that "men are nothing but lazy lumps of drunken flesh." Seemed to work. No grandbabies until AFTER the wedding.

  • Mike Hatz8/24/2009

    Excellent advice. I just wish so many parents weren't so chicken about talking s-e-x with their adolescents! That actually will harm their kids more than being graphically honest would!

  • Nikki8/24/2009

    I always encouraged my kids to talk to me about sex and my mom did the same with me.

  • Kerry Hosking8/24/2009

    Charlene I wish I had these words back then too LOL. It's a bit like being attacked by a shark really, we all know what to do until we're actually in the situation!

  • Sophie S8/24/2009

    I don't envy parents who have to have the sex talk with their children. It must be so embarrassing for some!
    Sophie

  • Charlene Collins8/24/2009

    This was great. I wish I had had these words when I talked to my daughter. Good job on this!

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