Taming the Tantrum

Who hasn't seen the frustrated and embarrassed mom at the store struggling with a child throwing a tantrum? How you react to your child during a tantrum and even before a tantrum starts can have a large impact on how often they have one.

Knowing what to expect.

This is hugely important. Consistency is key in parenting. If a child knows that no means no or that cookies before supper are not allowed-ever then they are less likely to throw a temper tantrum to get their way. Knowing what they can expect from you will help them feel more secure and less likely to try to manipulate the situation.

Talk to me.

Many times a temper tantrum is an outlet for frustration. Children don't have the grip on their emotions and vocabulary as much as adults do so they cannot express when they are sad, lonely or anxious. When excessive whining and tantruming starts it may help to tell the child that you cannot understand them and to use their words. Wanting to be understood is important for children so often they will respond to that.

This or That.

Give your child a choice to stop the tantrum and continue with the current activity or even an alternate choice. ''You may color or play with your blocks if you stop right now. Otherwise you will have a time out'' Time outs are a good option to let the child know that you still are watching them but their tantrum will not garner them the attention they are seeking.

Look! What's that?

Distraction can be very effective before a tantrum erupts into a full blown frustration volcano. The child can be distracted long enough to calm down and avoid the situation altogether. Depending on the age of the child some distractions might be open the window to check the weather, watering a plant, checking the mail, helping you with a small chore like dusting or wiping a counter so they feel ''big''.

If tantrums happen often such as several in one week , last more than half an hour or include behavior such as severe aggression or self injuring then it would probably be a good idea to seek the advice of a pediatrician.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure as the old saying goes so stopping tantrums before they start is best for both parent and child. Having a predictable routine and a predictable parent is helpful so a child knows what to expect and what their limits are. The Boy Scouts aren't the only ones that should be prepared. Having a small snack such as crackers or dry cereal can help stave off a hungry child's meltdown and having a small toy to play with and distract them can be a lifesaver if you find yourself in a long line at the bank , store or even in traffic. If your child throws a fit every time you go to the grocery store try going at a different time or offering a small reward such as a sticker or a bubble bath. Catch them being good. Praise the child when they are not having a tantrum. Let them know good behavior catches your attention more than unwanted behavior.

It's not you its me.

Remember it is not personal that your child is having a tantrum. It is a normal part of childhood. With these tips you can get through it together.