Taming the Terror of Preschool Aggression

Preschool aggression is something that is very difficult for parents to deal with and to understand. However, as difficult and uncomfortable as it is, it is a normal part of growing up. This doesn't mean that you just ignore the aggressive behaviors that your preschooler displays. Instead you want to figure out what is causing the aggressive behaviors, figure out a way to solve the problem and then teach your preschooler the appropriate ways to behave in social settings.

Tip #1 - Understand That Fear and Aggression Go Hand-in-Hand

One of the most common catalysts for preschool aggression is fear. Many preschoolers are away from home for the first time and they are faced with a lot of new experiences and people. Since they are still learning how to read body language and to communicate with other people, many situations that an adult would find non-threatening can be considered very threatening to a preschooler.

Just think about someone coming at you that you don't know holding something that has the potential to hurt you. You don't know if they are friendly or mean, you don't know what they expect from you and you don't know what to do. This is the situation that preschoolers face each day that they are at school, and their only conditioned response is to hit or to scream.

Tip #2 - Make Sure Your Preschooler Has His/Her Basic Needs Met

Another issue that can lead to preschool aggression is that their basic needs have not been met. They may be tired, hungry or thirsty. These things make the preschooler more agitated and aggressive. If you make sure you feed your preschooler on a schedule, that you provide them with easy access to water and that you make sure they get enough sleep then their aggression will decrease.

Tip #3 - Be a Good Role Model

Your preschooler is learning how to be a social being from you. The way you deal with stress in your life and the way that you interact with people is how they will deal with stress and people. By being a positive role model you will be teaching your preschooler how to get what they want and need without being aggressive or resorting to violence.

Tip #4 - Practice Makes Perfect

Many of the aggressive outbursts that preschoolers have are a result of social inexperience. A great way to enhance the ability of your preschooler to function in a social setting is to give them plenty of opportunities to practice their pro-social behaviors. This can be accomplished by setting up structured play times, such as play dates, trips to activity centers and trips to the public library. Each of these social settings has different rules and different people to interact with.

Tip #5 - Provide Rules for Social Interactions

One problem that many modern parents have when their preschooler suddenly turns aggressive is that they use the wrong terminology when communicating with their toddler. Instead of saying "that hurts mommy" or "you are hurting mommy" you need to establish verbally that what the child is doing is not acceptable, for example, you can say, "you do not hit mommy" or "you do not hurt people." This clearly establishes a rule for social behavior. The next part is reinforcing this rule to make it stick. This can be done by rewarding positive behavior and correcting negative behavior.

References

http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/preschoolaged/anger.html

http://www.babycenter.com/0_aggression-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it_65527.bc