Tatum O'Neal's Interview on Oprah

Oprah secures some of the best interviews broadcast on television. Recently, she interviewed Tatum O'Neal about her arrest for trying to purchase cocaine. Oprah opened the show by running a brief film clip of a prior interview she had done with Tatum in 2004. During that film clip, Tatum shared how she used the "one day at a time" philosophy to stay sober.

The current interview showed a rather contrite, unsure Tatum O'Neal. Sporting a Farrah-Fawcett-like hairdo, wearing a black dress and simple necklace, Tatum looked lovely. She was visibly nervous. Her speech was broken as she tried to sort her way through her words to answer Oprah's unending questions. She paused politely each time Oprah interrupted her, which occurred with great regularity. And she told the story of her recent drug arrest.

On June 1, 2008, Tatum O'Neal, 44 years old, left her New York City apartment on foot, hoping to score cocaine. She described that day with much emotion, saying she felt alone and hopeless. Tatum spoke of experiencing some ongoing pain at the time and referred to it as a "pain problem." Her dog, Lena, a very special companion, had also died which Tatum saw as a great loss.

Tatum mentioned how she had "lost connections to her 12-step program and sponsor." This admission is particularly telling as it is mostly the recovering person's responsibility to keep "connected" with the program and the sponsor.

Tatum was incredibly open and honest throughout the interview. Painfully so. If the viewer was not a Tatum O'Neal fan when the interview started, I can assure you she/he was by the time the interview ended. Describing the process of relapse as "tricky," Tatum grimaced as she stated that it "can happen" at any time.

Her facial expression and overall body language portrays a woman of complete surrender. She does not understand for sure what has happened to her. Her repeated assertions that she felt "Alone, cut off from everyone close to me," and how she was arguing with the people she cared about the most, revealed her sadness. It was a Sunday. And she admitted Sundays have always been difficult for her. She was engaging in a lot of "stinkin' thinkin", for example, she was feeling quite disappointed in her career. In essence, negative thinking overtook her that fateful day.

All of this angst led her to think about using drugs again. Her drug of choice is cocaine. And she knew her neighborhood had some drug activity going on. She left her apartment for the distinct purpose of scoring cocaine. It would all take place just 2 blocks from her NYC home.

She immediately saw a guy who looked like he was using and told him she wanted to buy cocaine. Her plan was to buy 2 bags of cocaine-1 for her and one for the guy she had approached. He led her a short distance--a block or two away. He told her to stand in a certain place and wait for his return. He then arrived with the drugs. The minute she took the bag in her hand, 5 policemen emerged from cars parked close by and arrested both of them. She described her feelings at that moment--"I was really horrified." She was charged with criminal possession of a controlled substance, taken into custody, and released the next day.

Oprah asked her, "Why did you go on the street to buy drugs?" Tatum's reply was, "I didn't know where to buy them." She further stating that all of her friends were sober. Also, Tatum said she was drawing near her 10 month sobriety birthday at the time, which was July 10th.

Tatum was clearly in emotional pain throughout this interview. She was occasionally tearful. She looked quite ashamed and admits that she felt quite embarrassed about her behavior. Tatum did show some real insight whenever she labeled her drug-seeking behavior as "self-destructive." Tatum shared that she's been to "thousands" of 12-step meetings and knows a lot about recovery. "I've been to Hazelden, I've been to Caron". Both are nationally renowned treatment centers.

Tatum mentioned her concerns for the 3 children she has with John McEnroe -2 sons, Kevin--age 22 and Sean--20, and 17-year old daughter, Emily. Her recognition that when she uses, she loses all control is evidence of self-awareness and insight. "I don't know if I could have stopped." Her honesty was inspiring yet her fear was palpable.

After being arrested, she thought immediately about her children. She evidenced low self-esteem through some of her statements and her repeated looking downward during the interview. She shared that she believed she was "saved" by the police who arrested her. As humiliated as she was about her one night jail stay, she says she's "grateful" it happened. Her relief and gratitude was obvious as she expressed that she did not use cocaine that day. Her open admission that she's been in "a ton of rehabs and places" to try to resolve her difficulties seemed to really touch the audience members. Her frustration was clearly transmitted during the discussion. She shared that, eventually, she became quite interested in the 12-step program.

The shame was written all over her face. Tatum consistently referred to her feelings of shame about her past use. Her own view is that she has an addictive personality. She admits to having had many relapses before.

To resolve these recent charges, she pled guilty to disorderly conduct and took 2 drug treatment classes, in addition to paying a $96 charge. Tatum chose to celebrate her one year anniversary of sobriety on July 10, 2008.

"What are the demons you are trying to bury here?" was one of Oprah's questions. Tatum stammered quite a bit, seeming to search her soul for the answer. "I don't have a perfect answer for that...I have a lot of shame and guilt. What's my place? Where do I fit? I'm a burden, I'm not good enough." She expressed feeling she's not worthy of just living a life. Ever since she was a kid, she felt she never fit in.

An important goal for Tatum, according to her, is to accept that she's worthy. She finds solace in the 12-step meetings because she believes she can have an impact on the behavior of others. She can be helpful. And it's clear that she cares about helping others. She believes she has been judged morally by the press. And she feels it's time for people to speak up about their addictions and not try to hide them anymore. She believes she can get better if she reveals her secrets, which certainly goes along with Alcoholics' Anonymous talk that, "You're only as sick as your secrets."

One Oprah viewer named "Valerie", phoned in on Skype and told of an epiphany she experienced that caused her to stop using drugs. Tatum listened and shared her own spiritual awakening she had the night she spent in jail. Also, Tatum spoke about how it was a real turning point for her when she took responsibility for her drug behavior and finally realized she was wholly responsible for what she does. She acknowledged this discovery played an important part in her recovery.

When asked, Tatum said neither John McEnroe nor her father said anything to her about her near-slip. But Farrah Fawcett did call her and leave a phone message of genuine care and interest. Although she had a tumultuous relationship with Farrah as a teen, Tatum says that, once Farrah got sick, "I forgave everything." She asserts she has a lot of "respect" for Farrah, although doesn't see her often. Even in discussing her relationship with Farrah, Tatum stammers and isn't quite sure how to describe it. And this clumsiness only endeared her more to the viewers.

Her honesty, openness, and ability to communicate her guilt and shame are powerful messages to other persons struggling with chemical dependency and recovery. She's no doubt already exceeded the goal of helping people who struggle with drugs and alcohol by sharing her own story. Her candor, genuineness, clear expressions of guilt and shame, and incredibly strong spirit to keep trying to get clean and stay clean provide inspiration to all.

Facts about Tatum O'Neal

Youngest Oscar winner in history for her role in "Paper Moon."

Was physically and emotionally abused as a child.

Began using alcohol and drugs in teen years.

By age 20 was addicted to cocaine.

Married to John McEnroe for 10 years.

Used heroin and cocaine in the past.

Lost custody of her children to John McEnroe in 1995.

Published an autobiography called, A Paper Life, in 2004.

Resources-The Oprah Winfrey Show, September 12, 2008