Teach Your Child to Deal with School Bullies

My five-year-old nephew will enter kindergarten this fall. Even at his young age, he confided to his mother that he is "afraid the bullies at school will bother him." Although bullies don't typically emerge until second grade, children from preschool through high school can be affected by antagonistic classmates. Bullying behavior ranges from teasing, gossiping and name calling to threats and physical harm. This intimidation often causes children and young adults to become scared and even sick.

As an elementary and middle-school teacher, I discussed bullying with my students during week one. Unfortunately, there are some teachers who simply don't broach the subject. As a parent, it's important that you talk to your child -- before school even starts -- about possible bullying scenarios and ways to handle them. Give her advice and even role-play these situations.

Don't React

Bullies thrive on reactions. Teach your child to act as if she doesn't notice the intimidation. When teaching my students how to react to bullies, I ask a volunteer to come to the front of the class. I start to pull on his sleeve repeatedly -- of course, I get a reaction. I tell the student I'm going to do it again, but this time he should ignore me. When I get no reaction, I walk away and start pulling on another child's sleeve. The kids get the picture that a bully will give up if he's being ignored.

Act Confidently

A bully wants to feel as if he has power over other people. He or she will often target a student who gets upset easily. Encourage your child to act confidently at all times, but especially if he is being confronted by a bully. Even when afraid, it's best not to reveal true feelings to the intimidator. Encourage your child to devise a plan ahead of time. Perhaps he'll repeat a phrase in his mind such as, "I am calm and confident in every situation." In a loud, clear voice, he can ask the intimidator to stop the harassment.

Avoid the Bully

Prevention is the best insurance. Students generally walk the same paths between classes. If your son or daughter is being harassed between classes or on the way to or from school, advise him to change his route, thus avoiding the bully. If he is being teased in the cafeteria, he should move to a table far away from the tormentor.

Walk with a Buddy

Boys and girls need true friends who will support them. If two or three friends are walking and talking, a bully generally won't target them -- he will look for an easier mark.

Don't Hit or Kick Back

This is a tough one for kids. Their natural reaction is often to hit back. Students in secondary schools are generally punished equally when they fight, no matter who is at fault. It takes a lot of gumption to walk away from the oppressor.

Tell an Adult

Students love to tattle when they are in primary school; however, when they reach intermediate and middle school, they're afraid of being labeled as "snitches." Your child will have adults at school that she trusts; encourage her to talk to one of them. Teachers and other school personnel know how to handle a situation, yet keep the identity of the reporter in confidence.

If your child has had the opportunity to think through and role-play these reactions to bullies, he will be better equipped to handle antagonistic situations when they occur.

image credit: morguefile; anitapatterson