Teachers, How Well Do You Know Your High-School Students?

Fifty years ago, the factory modeled school was the standard. This was cutting edge! Students sat in rows, did rote learning, and completed "seat-work" that would hopefully prepare them to work in the factory-age of mass-production in our society. Few people in our parents' and grandparents' days would have ever dreamed that technology would have taken off the way it has--we are in the space-age. Very few people thrive in a "factory-based" model that stifles creativity and collaboration.

So, if society has changed, has education? Simple answer here--yes and no! I was in college in the late 80's. I recall walking into classrooms on our small, private-school college campus and seeing the words, "Question Authority" written across the blackboards. We were questioning authority and the way things had been done. We Gen Xer's (Generation X) questioned everything. We are the one generation who had never grown up in the midst of a war that we could actually remember and understand. Many of us were born as Vietnam was ending and coming to a close. This had an impact on our parents--not us. Not until we were old enough to fully understand the ramifications. While we questioned authority, our teachers were striving to keep up with our ever-pressing challenges. The teachers that welcomed our challenges and processed those with us are the teachers we remember fondly today. Those that suppressed us and kept us in our boring rows and expected "seat-work" day in and day out did not know what to do with us. Perhaps we do not recall those teachers as fondly. As a matter of fact, I do recall one teacher when I was twelve years old that screamed in my face because I had quietly turned around in my row to ask to borrow a pencil so I could take notes. She leaned over me, scrutinizing my every move, and began screaming for 3 other classes to hear, "Do you think you're special? You're not!!! You're nobody!!! What do you think gives you the right to talk when I've told everyone to be quiet?" I slumped down in my seat from the embarrassment and stifled my tears. She scared me and I loathed her for years to come. I did not have a relationship with her and I did not care to learn from her. With that in mind, what motivates students today? Relationships. Bottom line.

As a teacher now, my goal is to build rapport with all my students. Just think about it! Do you want to listen to your least favorite politician rant and rave if you have no respect for him or her? Do you get excited to hear that un-favorite politician and support him or her? Heck no!!! We poke fun at these people. They end up on satires such as Saturday Night Live. Jay Leno tells jokes about them on The Late Show. And, we go right along with it. However, those that we agree with are revered, followed, and taken seriously.

The same holds true in education. Teachers who are adept at making relationships with their students make incredible strides in the students' education. Teachers who are respected and trusted are the ones that students will go to time and again. In class, they listen. They get excited about learning. Most importantly, they have a mentor who can help prepare them for life. There are some key things a teacher needs to do in order to develop relationships with students. Before we get into that, I want to tell a story about a dear student of mine that I had in 8th grade who came to me as a high schooler. Her name is Leah (changed to protect identity).

She was a senior and I hadn't taught her in 5 years. However, we saw each other and talked all the time in the halls of our local high school where I was teaching 11th grade. She came to me one morning and shut my classroom door. She said, "I need some advice and I need to know I can trust you not to tell anyone."

"I'll listen as best as I can, but you have to understand that I can't promise that I won't tell because it depends on what this is about. So, this is your decision whether or not to talk to me," I replied.

She agreed to tell me her story. One of her good friends was being sexually harassed at her jobsite--mind you a job that she was working for a job co-op class. One of the managers had been propositioning her friend and her friend was nervous and didn't know what to do. It had gotten so bad that the girl didn't want to go into work that night, but also was afraid to tell her parents in fear that they'd make her quit the job as a hostess. She felt stuck.

After listening, I asked Leah what her friend was planning to do. She informed me that the friend had thought of telling the teacher who was responsible for the job co-op class. I urged Leah to convince her friend to do this. I also asked her to see me at the end of the day. It was imperative that I know whether or not this happened.

The end of the day came rapidly as it was a Friday. I never saw Leah again that day. I decided I needed to find the job co-op teacher and find out if she had heard the news. Once I found her, we both realized that nobody had told her. In the end, the parents and head managers were notified. The girl was devastated and embarrassed. Leah was angry with me. I almost cried the following Monday morning when she burst into my room and said, "I trusted you! I trusted you!" I simply looked at her and said, "And I was trusting that an adult would be told who could do something about this. Leah, you have to understand my position as your teacher as well. While I'm here to listen to you, I'm also here to protect students. I know you may not appreciate this now; however, in years to come, I am confident you'll understand and know that I did the right thing. I'm sorry our trust was broken." I left it at that. A week later, she came back to my class and apologized. She said I was right and she asked for my forgiveness for the way she treated me when I was trying to help. Of course, I forgave her.

Great story! Are you wondering what this has to do with teaching and relationships? The moral of the story is that teaching these days is so much more than teaching your content--i.e. history, English, science, math, etc. It's about teaching life skills through your content. Your content must be taught, but your students will not care if you do not have a relationship with them. You may be passionate about British Literature, but your students will care less if you don't care and respect them. The life skills that can be taught and the mentoring that can take place in the classroom is paramount for many kids who have an enormous amount of dysfunciton in their lives. The key is how to do it! This is not about being your students' "buddies." It's much deeper!

1. Be willing to listen--really listen. Beneath students' words and challenges is a message of wanting to belong and to understand. Learn to listen and reflect back to them.

2. Be willing to say, "I don't know." I don't know how many teachers I have known who are intimidated by very intelligent students. For goodness sakes, swallow your pride. You don't know it all! It's ok!!! This just teaches that learning is a life-long process.

3. Set limits and boundaries. You are there to teach--the kiddos have to know when it's all business and when the "bantering" and challenging back and forth can happen in a classroom. You are the defining factor in the classroom. Teachers who have no limits cannot manage a classroom, and teachers who have no boundaries get in trouble in ways that they should not!

4. Go see your students outside of class. They are involved in athletics, plays, choir, band, competitions, and so much more. There is so much to these budding adults and you'll have so much of an appreciation of who they are becoming when you do this! Oh...and don't forget the best part! Your students will genuinely know that you are truly interested in them!

5. Laugh at yourself! Boy, have I done some stupid things in class. I have even stapled my finger and kids have written news articles about it. We laughed very hard about that one! That's a story for another day though!

If you can't do these things--you should not be working with teenagers. As blunt as it may be--we need teachers who can break through to teenagers and love them enough unconditionally and accept them for who they are. Someone evidently did it with you. Time to repay the favor for the future generation.