Teaching Children About Friendship

Aside from the good education that parents always hope for their children, another thing that parents are concerned about is their children's acceptance by their peers. To have a child who is able to relate well with his classmates and friends, and who is well-liked gives some comfort to parents. A parent would always wish for a child, who spends more of his waking hours at school, to feel comfortable and accepted inside the classroom and even during break times.

At times, well-meaning parents try to give lectures to their children as to how to choose their friends. Wanting their children to be away from the wrong crowd, they try to define the picture of the kind of friends that they want their children to hang out with. They might say, someone who is well-mannered, does good in his or her studies, or someone who is a good influence.

Children have their own taste when it comes to friends, so to speak. They might want to be in a group who plays the same games as they do. Those who feel that they do not play well in basketball might not want to hang out with someone who is so interested to learn the sport. A spider man fan would most likely want to be with another person who also adores this character. Girls who thinks that Hello Kitty is iconic would most likely cling to each other.

But other than interests and their taste for the people they want to spend time with, sometimes children do not understand many other things about friendship. Maybe because they are really too young to comprehend or things are not explained to them well.

Parents should be sensitive when it comes to concerns like this. Children give clues about their daily interaction because they often tell stories at home. It is healthy to make children have a very open communication line with parents. The kind of relationships they have would matter a lot to their growth, their adjustment and their life at school. Because they do not only learn about math, science, language arts and social studies at school. School, which is one of the places where they have plenty of interaction, should be a place to develop meaningful relationships.

Teach children not to discriminate. Some children would sometimes shy away from another student who has a very visible physical handicap, or stutters when he or she speaks, or may be struggling because of a language barrier. Your child needs to know that these students are already experiencing many issues, and to be left out is the last thing that they need. Perhaps it would take one person to start hanging out with classmates who may be ridiculed or discriminated, and once others recognize this kindness they would most likely start to join the group.

There are some students who start to have behavioral problems because of heavy familial concerns. There are those who are left in the care of foster families. Some are having a lot of financial constraints. There are students who, at their very young age, are starting to feel the effects of the separation of their parents. Because of many issues, children may start to act up, perhaps unknowingly. Discriminating against and alienating these children would cause more harm in their interpersonal relationships. Your children ought to know that some families do experience certain issues that affect the children's behavior. Therefore if they seem to be different or difficult to deal with, they should learn to be a little patient. Some children are also assertive in dismissing peers who act strangely. It may be good to remind your children that a little patience would make these students realize that there is a friend who tries to understand and that there is someone who shows gentleness among his peers. Still, if a child's behavior is indeed destructive, the teacher and school authorities ought to be told.

Teach children how to be assertive without being rude. There are instances when children who have been hanging out for quite a while would suddenly turn their backs against each other. Once you ask your child, he would say that classmate A told him that his jacket is too babyish. Worse, classmate B agreed. Your child would feel offended and would rather play alone. It would be good to allow your child to let him resolve little concerns like this. But be there to remind him that there is nothing wrong in expressing his feelings to his friends and in saying how he feels about certain situations between and among them. Emphasize, however that expression should not include harsh words and that he has to take extra care, lest he is going to start a bigger fight. It is necessary for children to resolve issues among themselves by talking about it, because this would make them realize that many things can be overcome by a simple talk.

Teach children to learn how to give in a little sometimes. Your child might tell you that he is not about to budge just because his friend is not talking to him. After a little probing, if you find out that both kids have little "faults" that caused the misunderstanding, encourage your child that a little giving in wouldn't hurt. Putting aside his little pride might do wonders, because it would be better than totally giving up the friendship all together. Couples who show examples of humility and in beginning to find ways to make up after an argument could cite these situations to their children for more comprehension.

Teach children the other side of rejection. Your child might come home telling you that her best friend has deserted her all of a sudden. It would be very helpful to ask the child about the other parts of the story, because she might not see things objectively. But other than this, it is good to make your child realize that this is a way for her and her friend to discover other friends. Like most kids, they would most likely patch things up sooner than they know. But because of discovering how nice other friends are, they would make their circle even bigger and more fun. Some kids have the same interests and their attitudes would jive, but they do not realize this earlier because they are too involved in their cliques. Let them realize how many other people can also be fun to be with.

Teach children by example. As what is usually the case, children would imitate what grown-ups do. When children see how parents value meaningful friendships, they would understand its true importance. There are times when you want to do things just by yourselves. The family may go on a trip, enjoy activities and do all sorts of things. That is good. It makes the members close and bonded. But it is also very healthy to allow children to see how you value the meaning of friendship when you do even the littlest of things to others. The simple act of visiting a sick friend, or doing a quick errand for a family who has just moved to their new home. Find some time to spend with friends during special occasions like Thanksgiving or Christmas. When a child sees a parent being very close to another person who is not a family member, he or she may start to realize that relationships with people outside the family can bring about happiness, and can foster trust and reliance.