Teaching Children Honesty

I tried to teach my children from a young age that honesty is an important personality trait and virtue. Lying was considered to be unacceptable. No matter what the consequences would be if they were caught in a lie, I tried to impress the importance of telling the truth, being honest, especially with other family members.

As soon as they were old enough to understand the importance of receiving a weekly allowance, I initiated a debit account. If anyone happened to be caught, "fibbing," and were given a chance to admit the truth and be honest but didn't, I'd subtract a small amount from their allowance as a gentle reminder. I tried to be a mother who was as honest as I could be around them, wanting to set a strong positive example. Somehow I forgot to explain the definition of honesty completely, in the case of, "little white lies." The daily lies you use to avoid hurting someone or were used to keep minor secrets or surprises hidden from an individual. I should've known this lesson of honesty was going to eventually backfire on me.

I set up an elaborate surprise birthday party for my husband, taking the kids along as I shopped and also hid party supplies at my friend's house. At the dinner table one night before the party my kids managed to reveal the entire plan to my husband. They shared the details, including the date of the party, who was coming, and what was going to be on the menu. All this secret revealing occurred while I was in the kitchen cleaning dishes. That night I had to stumble around and explain what a, "white lie," was, and why it was all right to use a, "white lie," at times, while my husband sat there smirking in the background.

My youngest son diagnosed with Autism had an extreme quirk of screaming for no apparent reason, sometimes lasting for hours on end. Driving my children around to their activities was a feat in itself. I had to repeat the same phrase, "Please sit still, stop fighting, and stay buckled in your seats," over and over while listening to my son's eardrum piercing screams and still keep my eyes on the road and drive safely.

One day at my wits end I just wanted to get home and lock myself in my bedroom, so I may have pressed a little harder on the gas. Of course the next sound battling against my son's screams was a piercing police siren. I grimaced when I viewed red flashing lights in my rear view mirror, warning me to pull over.

I attempted to explain my predicament to the officer, telling him how my special needs vocal child can drive you a little bonkers and how I just wanted to get my children safely home. I apologized if I was going slightly over the speed limit and promised I'd be more careful in the future.

The officer looked in the back at my three children, who at that moment were sitting there totally silent flashing beaming smiles. At that point I realized my little, "white lie," probably wasn't going to get me out of a ticket so I played innocent when he asked, "License and registration please."

"Well Officer, I'm not really sure where my husband keeps the registration. I never had to pull it out before." I made a feigned attempt to look for it, hoping he'll look down kindly on me, feel sorry for me and just let me go on my way.

From the back seat my eleven year old daughter piped out, "Mommy, it's in the glove department in the red envelope. Remember you gave it to the policeman last week."

Unfortunately the prior week I was stopped for having a dead bulb in my brake lights. As I accepted the speeding ticket from the officer with a wry smile, I realized my family teachings about honesty had miserably backfired on me, especially when my daughter asked, "Are you going to get your allowance taken away for telling a lie?"

So in teaching your children the lesson of honesty, the important thing to remember is that children learn not by what you say, but learn by watching your actions as parents.