Teaching Your Children Perspective

Parents often have dilemmas. Can you relate to my sister's?

All of her children leave their underwear on the floor and she finds it disgusting! The children think it's funny. They just don't see what the big deal is! It doesn't bother them. They just think their mom is overreacting about the whole situation.

Seeing how much the dirty underwear irritated my sister and how her girls weren't even concerned led me to a revelation.

What if the girls looked at the situation from someone else's perspective? So I asked them, "How would you feel if your mom or dad left their dirty underwear on your bathroom floor?" I personally think it would be kind of creepy. The girls thought so, too! I explained that is probably how their mom feels when they leave their underwear on the floor.

Often, we don't ever look at how the situation is for other people involved. We have a selfish perspective.

Maybe this is why some kids easily clean up their stuff or act extra considerate towards other people. (Their parents explained how it makes them feel when the child acts mean or is messy.) Children develop a kind nature not from being forced, but positively encouraged. Once children really look at situations and consider how their actions made someone else feel (or effected someone else) they naturally want to do what is right.

The parents led the child in the right direction, but the child figured it out for himself. (Isn't that our ultimate goal as parents, anyway?) We don't want to push them, because when we one day stop pushing, they will be forever at a standstill in life. But if we lead and guide, they will grow up to be independent adults.

The difficulty with kids is some grow up only seeing their own perspective. As a result, they grow into selfish adults. As adults, they make big mistakes (wrong decisions) they would never have made if they considered how their action would effect the other person.

For instance, maybe your boyfriend starts getting angry and you feel he is acting controlling. Maybe he is. Maybe his attitude isn't acceptable. But, maybe you made a decision without considering his feelings and thats why he is acting that way. Instead of just judging him and looking at what he is doing wrong, ask yourself, "Did i do anything that might have hurt him?" Then go to your boyfriend and ask him if you did something to upset him. Once you understand his perspective, you may understand his behavior and feel empathetic.

It's important for us to teach our children the "whys" and not just the "whats" (do this, don't do this) in life. When we teach our children why, they develop principles which help them in every area of their lives. If we only teach children "what" to do, they won't have the tools to one day make their own decisions.