Teaching Responsibility

I don't care who thinks it is cruel or unfair, but I firmly believe that as soon as a child can do something on their own, it should become a responsibility for them. It would be unfair to treat this new habit as a chore, especially an unrewarded chore. However, it is important to teach your toddler to pick up their own toys... you won't do it for them. When they are done picking up, they can have a cookie.

When your child can fold their own laundry and put it away... let them do it. It is easy to 'baby' our children, because they are our babies. However, you are not raising children. In the words of Dr. Phil, you're raising adults. Those children will someday have to take care of themselves, and it will be difficult if they are used to someone else doing everything for them.

You can not wait until a certain age before your child has to do things themselves. Certain things can be done as soon as the child is able.

The age is variable, and only you as a parent can determine maturity when it comes to certain things, however you can not have a bias opinion as their loving, caring parent. You have to watch their actions, and you will have to teach them. Yes, the first few times you can help them... or 'let them help you'. This concerns picking up their own toys or putting their own laundry away and up to washing their own laundry, cleaning their own rooms (and the daily habit of keeping it clean) as well as helping with other chores that are not specifically child related. Helping with dinner, dishes, and daily household cleaning is essential for both girls and boys.

Teach them young, and it will become a habit. Wait until the last minute and it will be work. Teaching your children as early as possible is important for your child's growth, so it is in no way unfair, or mean.

Remember to call these things responsibilities, when your child makes it clear they do not want to pick up their toys. Having those toys is a privilege, and if they want to have them they have to take care of them. TV time is also a privilege. No child should watch TV if their room is messy. Playing outside should be encouraged over TV anyways. As I mentioned earlier, a childs room can stay clean. It requires daily maintenance, and there is no reason it can't be done daily.

Just ask my 8 year old step daughter, who never knew responsibility until she moved in with us. Previously, her mother would give her a $20 bill for nothing. She never had to clean her room, maybe once a month her mother would sit down and help her clean her room. It would be, of course, a pig sty. Now this child lives with me and her father, and she has a very clear understanding that things are different here, and she will not be spoiled in that way. I do give her money, if she does something 'out of her way'. If she does something on her own without being asked, whether it is something expected of her or something else entirely... she gets money. Not a $20 bill, but pocket change. That change goes into a jar for a rainy day, and as far as she knows she is saving it for a family vacation.

This way, she learns about managing money. If she wants to buy a pack of gum, she is allowed to use her money, but that means she has to earn more and she will have less for our vacation.

She also has learned that if she wants something, she has to work for it. Nothing in life is free, and that is the worst thing you can ever let your child believe. Some may disagree and say "They're just kids"... but how will those kids react when they enter the real world? We have enough welfare cases in the world that make a living out of working for free handouts. You can't just ask your kid "What do you want to be when you grow up" and expect them to stay on the right track of becoming a successful adult!

I have also stepped over some boundaries with this one particular child. If her room is a mess, she will be cleaning it when she finishes her homework. She will not play outside, she will not watch tv, and she will only leave her room for dinner and the bathroom until it is clean. The reason I am this harsh with this one particular child is because she came to me spoiled. Within a month I have noticed some dramatic changes with her.

She is now allowed to either watch one hour of tv, or play outside for 4 hours, for one hour of cleaning her room. If her room does not require an hour of cleaning, she can use that extra time outside, or watching tv. Now I don't know what you are thinking, but I think that is more than fair. You would have never thought this child could keep her room so clean!

So what else are considered privileges? Everything! Whether you are a working parent or stay at home, you know very well that everything from the roof over your head to the food on your table to the shoes on your feet had to be worked for. No, you're not going to threaten to put your child out on the streets for leaving a dirty dish in the sink... but if a child is capable of washing that dish then that action should result in a loss of privilege.

Privileges can be used as rewards (Money- reasonable amounts! , TV/Video Game Time, Treats, etc.) and it can be used at punishment. Your children should be rewarded fairly for their own actions, and they should also be aware that everything they own is subject to loss for poor action.