Teaching Responsibility to Our Children

To start this off, there is something I have certainly, on occasion, forgotten: No matter how many times we tell a child something, they learn best by example. If we adults do not follow our own guidelines, our child gets mixed messages. Yes, a child can have responsible parents with enormous self-discipline and still have difficulties in that area. But more often that not, the examples they get repeatedly do stick with them.

Interaction with others

What is the simplest thing we can begin teaching our children interacting with others? Manners. This is so basic but immediately teaches a child they are not the center of the universe but depend on and provide aid to others around them all the time. Saying please and thank-you are two of the easiest things to start our children on, but these can expand to the idea of letting someone else go first, sharing with others, allowing others to speak too, keeping the voice down, good listening skills and so many other small but important gestures.

Environment:

Another early idea we can instill in our children is to always leave a place better than when we arrived. This is such an easy thing but can make such a difference in our lives. Actions to teach this can be as basic as picking up and throwing away a piece of paper left lying on the floor or street, hanging up a coat or towel left lying on a chair, or that of taking one's own dish to the sink after eating. The concept of environment improvement is the important thing here and must always be gauged to the age of the child.

Economics

Unfortunately with some mega banks, we may no longer have the option of opening a child's saving account with five dollars. Some smaller banks or credit unions may still allow this, but even without those institutions we can still teach our child financial responsibility. In the event of no nearby bank allowing small savings accounts, there is nothing wrong with the parent becoming the bank or even starting with a piggy bank. If we have to go that route of being the banker, then teaching a child with "bank statements" and "interest" adds legitimacy to the action. This will teach a child how a bank works but also shows the child why saving money is a good thing. One way we used to do this in our home was to have the child give a certain percentage of their "gift" money from holidays or birthdays to the savings account and the rest was their own spending money.

This economic education of a child's own spending money should also include their saving for things they want. Is there a video, book or game your child wants? Let them save and contribute to the purchase. When a child asks for things and automatically gets them from parents or grandparents every time they ask, instant gratification is what we are teaching...not financial responsibility. Let them share in the purchase.

Education

The importance of education is taught by parents...not the teacher, the school or the television. Homework should be given the priority it deserves. One of the worst things I ever heard was a parent, after a child was marked down for not doing their homework, telling the teacher that it was the "teacher's" job to get the child to do their homework. What part of home did this parent not understand?

If we are ever to expect our children to consider education important, we should elevate reading, civics, math and science in our own households. Showing an interest in our children's school work, actually talking with and listening to our children's teachers, being involved and showing we care, goes a long way. Reading to your child, starting from birth is one of the best ways to promote early literacy and show them that books can be fun.

Respect

Respecting another's right to different opinions not only prepares our children for their public education and the working world but also allows us as parents to teach responsible cooperation and even compassion. We cannot walk in another's shoes if we never listen to any views but our own. If we automatically dismiss variations as irrelevant, we teach our children to be narrow-minded. If we encourage our children to be open to new ideas while still holding important values, we teach our children that cooperation, tolerance and respect does not mean the death of our beliefs.

Appreciation

Sometimes we simply need to slow down. Years ago, parents had to coax children inside from playing outside. With video games, computers and television, more often than not, it can sometimes be difficult for parents to coax their children outside to play. Then, when they do go outside, parents often worry unless there is an adult nearby. Yet, all studies point to a healthier and more stress free life when we take time to indulge in a bit of nature and exercise. Locate some parks in your area. Not those cement jungles but one with actual trees, grass and walkways. Take a walk with your child, even if it is simply around your neighborhood. That time to just walk can be a great time to enjoy some stress free time with your child. Notice the seasons, the landscapes, the neighbor's gardens. Simply take some time to appreciate your surroundings with your child.

Self Discipline

Self-discipline comes from doing what we need to do in balance with what we want to do and our children can learn to make this choice. Sometimes it is as simple as learning to do our least liked thing first. For example, in cleaning the house, what is the room you dislike dealing with the most? For many, it's the bathroom and we often clean that first. If we have a choice of paying our bills or watching television, many of us pay the bills to get them out of the way. Let your children learn that it is possible to get to all the things we wish to do and still take care of issues when they need to be done. It is not an either/or situation but one of priorities. With our own efforts, let's guide our children to take care of the molehills before they become mountains. Helping them to learn this in their own lives, praising them when they do it, will work wonders toward teaching our kids that self-gratification often leads to bigger problems and robs us of many accomplishments.

Restrictions

When I was a child I often heard the expression, "Our prayers are always heard, but sometimes the answer is no." I suppose the reason that resonates with so many is life does sometimes throw us a curve or give us a no. Children need to be prepared for these challenges and they do need limits. One way to teach responsibility to a child is to be a responsible parent. Perhaps what they want is dangerous, or perhaps you cannot afford what they are asking for. If the answer needs to be no, then we shouldn't hesitate to let a child know this. Maybe should only be reserved for a vague issue and even then by explaining exactly what the choice depends on. If there are alternatives, we can offer those with our no. Children can grow in truth much easier than they can grow in uncertainty. We need to learn to say no as well as we have learned to say yes.

These are only a few suggestions as to how we can raise children to participate in a community instead of believing the world exists for them alone. As we enjoy raising our children and keeping these in mind, new variations to these ideas will always present themselves.