Teaching Your Toddler to Play Nice

Last week, my sister took my two-year-old to her house to play with another toddler for the afternoon. After she left, I panicked. My daughter tends to be, well, not nice, when she hasn't had a nap. What if she bites/hits/kicks (fill in the blank here) the other little girl when the toy she wants isn't available? Apparently, she was no less than perfect during her play session, but I know she has it in her to lose her little mind when faced with adversity. Playing nice, unfortunately, is not a skill your child is born with. Sharing, taking turns, and not throwing Little People at his or her playmate are all things your toddler has to learn. Here are some tips on how to set your child up for success.

Be Their First Playmate: People like to think that kids begin to learn social skills in kindergarten. However, a parent is a child's first teacher. You are also their first advisor, first friend and playmate. Take advantage of these roles. Show your toddler how to play by playing with them on a regular basis. Choose activities that you can do together, that go well with taking turns and sharing, such as stacking blocks or playing with oversized legos. If you work together to build a tower, each taking turns placing a block or lego, your child learns the basic rules of social play. As you are playing with your toddler, give them positive reinforcement for their good behavior, such as "Good job" or "Thank you for sharing".

Provide Opportunity: Give your toddler plenty of opportunities to play with other kids, to share and take turns with others their own age. This is especially important if your toddler is an only child. In this case, you may be all they have to play with the majority of the time, so they are seldom faced with another child hogging all the toys. Being put in this situation gives them practice playing nice even when another toddler isn't.

Don't Expect Perfection: When my daughter was a toddler, my family was at our house for Christmas. My daughter had a new princess chair, pink and plush and hers. When she saw my niece sitting in the chair, she came screaming like a madchild. What ensued was a toddler version of Friday Night Smack-Down. It was my fault, and it could have been avoided. The chair was new and her favorite, and I should have put it up before company arrived. The emotions that are tied to a favorite toy, a stuffed animal your child sleeps with, or their most prized possessions are very strong. Expecting them to harness those emotions enough to share that particular toy with another child is only setting them up to fail.

The good news is that most kids do eventually get there. Work with your toddler, play with them, and allow them to play with others and, if you're lucky, they'll get there well before kindergarten comes along.