Teaching a Young Man About Chivalry

She scowled at her son when he walked through the door of Lincolnwood Town Center.

"You get back out here," she yelled at him. Mall onlookers looked around to find out what was wrong.

"You were supposed to hold the door for me," she screeched. Her son, with his head drooped down, walked back out the door and held the door for his mother. "I don't know what's wrong with you today, but we can go home if you're going to act like that."

They entered the mall (near Chicago's north side) together and kept walking like nothing had ever happened. This was a sign of a mother who was hell bent on her son growing up to be a gentleman.

Have you ever walked by a door and the guy in front of you almost pushes you out of the way to get inside before you? Does your guy friend get right in the car without opening the door for you? Does he walk in a room with his sunglasses and cap on? Does he walk on the inside of the street when he's walking with a girl or woman? Does he chew his food with his mouth wide open or think it's okay to refer to any woman as a "bitch" or a "ho"? Does he give a head nod when a woman walks into the room without standing up or call her pet names without asking what her real name is? Does he yell out of his car windows instead of parking his car to approach her if he's interested? Does he think nothing of cursing in front of his elders?

A better question is do you care whether these things are happening around you and are you teaching your sons, nephews, godsons, cousins or grandsons not to be these guys? Many times young men (or older men) are not necessarily doing any of the things above to be rude. They simply don't know it's wrong to do it because no one raised them to be gentlemen. The only way to change this pattern is start teaching a young man about chivalry at a young age.

If his female role models tolerate his lack of manners, he'll look at his significant other funny when she demands otherwise. If his male role models don't practice chivalry, he'll probably think being a gentleman is soft. For women who excuse a guy for not playing the part of a gentleman and accepting that he's just not going to be, he never will. People will only treat you how you let them.

But ladies, when a man is trying to be a gentleman, please do not hiss at him for doing so. You'll ruin it for the next woman who can appreciate a man with manners. Although many people judge a person's parents by their child(ren)'s manners, it's never too late to politely teach someone manners. Reality TV "From G's to Gents" show host Fonzworth Bentley proved even grown men can learn if they have the right guidance.

Additional Notes: In high school, there was a young man who would demand to carry my saxophone case from school every day. He also emphasized walking on the outside of the street. Although we were solely friends who walked the same way home from school, he always told me, "My mother told me this is the way men should act, so that's what I do." My 87-year-old grandfather also lectured me about men walking curbside with a woman no matter how independent she is. To this day, I will not date anyone who walks on the inside of the street.