Teen Vandalism: What Can You Do?

When teens vandalize property, it is considered either an act of aggression or a plea for help. In fact, both are true for the same reason. First, we must examine why teenagers "act out" and what you can do about it.

Adult development occurs between 14 and 17 years of age. This is full, physical and mental development. Their emotional development is up to you and you must actively work to help them with this area of their lives. Now, if you are emotionally immature yourself, you might wish to see to it that they are around emotionally intelligent people on a regular basis, since you will not be able to help them with this. In any case, back to vandalism --

Teens are really adults, and the concept of a transition between childhood and adulthood is false. During puberty, the physical and mental changes affecting a human occur and are set in more long-term concrete. If your teen is frustrated because they do not have enough responsibility and privilege, it is because, evolutionarily speaking (and Biblically speaking), they are SUPPOSED to have the exact same amount of responsibility and privilege as you, their parent. The U.S. is one of the most stunted countries in the world which lengthens the "adolescent transition" over a period of a decade, rather than six months, which is normal.

You're going to have to make some changes. Since your teen is clearly (how much vandalism and frustration have they exhibited in the last month alone?) dissatisfied with this abnormally long process of adolescence, you will have to dramatically change their lifestyle. Begin with having them read this article, so that they understand what you will be doing. Simply changing your behavior without telling them is a recipe for disaster. They must be informed on all of your decisions, especially since they are adult status, but are still under your guidance and are probably still dependent upon you. You will have to change how you look at them. You will have to change how much power you give them in your household and in your family, and, since they and all of their friends are so used to being stuck in limbo between childhood and adulthood, you will have to be VERY patient with them while they stretch their wings and learn how to fly.

Ah, the role-modeling you must do. Again, and I cannot stress this enough, you must be gentle with them and very tolerant of them, because as soon as you get the hang of seeing them as adults, you will begin expecting them to BE adults, which they are really not used to just yet. So, give them adult responsibilities, such as treat them as if they are your roommates rather than your kids, have them pay rent (and evict them if they don't), give them complete control over their groceries and what they eat, and stop giving them any sort of advice unless they ask you for it, and then only satisfy the bare requirements of advice. Trust me, they will ask for more details when they need them.

Be consistent. As knowledgeable as I am on parent-teen relationships, and I am very knowledgeable, I myself have had great difficulty in achieving a consistent relationship with one of my parents. Perhaps you will recognize the problem in your own life: when your teens act like adults, you wish for them to still have the nurturing parent-child relationship which you had before and are almost offended at their adult behavior, and when they act like teenagers, you are frustrated with their lack of growth and maturity. Now, you have a great deal of influence over their lives, because parents naturally do. However, if they are constantly trying to please you by fulfilling the adult role and then fulfilling the teen role and switching back and forth every time you change your mood, this will produce a great deal of chaos and frustration in their lives. Then, they will begin acting out on YOU. Pick adulthood, satisfy your parental needs by going through old photo albums, and let them go.

Seriously, if you follow the above advice, your teen will begin acting very differently and vandalism will take a backseat to plans for college, or their career, or starting their own families. Yes, I said it. I recommend reading "Choice Theory" by Dr. William Glasser in order to help you through this transitional phase from parent to equal adult.