Teen Vogue's Gay Best Friend (GBF) Controversy: Why It's Unfair to Women and Men

This just in from Teen Vogue: if you want to avoid the drama of having a female friend--which editor Amy Astley dubs "frenemy"--picking up a gay best friend may be the next best (read: trendiest) thing. Teen Vogue even suggests you're better off choosing a gay pal if you want a nonjudgmental, supportive friend who won't see you as competition.

Now let's back up a second. Is Teen Vogue advocating befriending a gay man because he's trendy?

According to Teen Vogue's latest article, yes: gay best friends are becoming the next "it" factor for high school girls because of their sexuality. Sure, Astley points out that gay men shouldn't be treated like accessories--say like a cute Pomeranian or eco-friendly anklets--but she still talks about her "gay best friends" like they were dogs in a pet store:

"We girls compare ourselves to one another, and it can just get a bit...intense. Thank goodness for gay best friends. I treasure my GBFs--I live in New York City; I have many, many!--because they are noncompetitive and nonjudgmental, and we make each other feel accepted and cherished." (Credit: TeenVogue.com)

Her comment is particularly shocking for two reasons: she claims all female-to-female friendships, regardless of each person's personality, will be wrought with "intensity". She also assumes all "gay best friend relationships" are noncompetitive, nonjudgmental and full of lovey-dovey cherishment, regardless of the personalties of the male counterparts.

In case Astley isn't aware, all women and men have different, varying personalities, regardless of their sexuality. That's what makes us human. Claiming all straight women or gay men act a certain way is called stereotyping, and this particular case is potentially damaging for the gay population, a population still negatively stereotyped and mocked openly in most parts of the world. The last thing anybody, especially Teen Vogue, needs to do is stereotype gay men as having only one concrete personality; it's simply not true all gay men are nonjudgmental, fashion-crazed fiends. As NYMag.com put it poignantly, "True, girls can be bitches. But so can gay men-and straight men, for that matter."

As for straight women, which the Teen Vogue article villainies as "frenemies", it's undermining to their intelligence as well. Is there something ingrained into what makes us female--a set of reproductive organs--that makes us unable to have healthy, loving friendships with other females? Rationally, you wouldn't think so. But according to Astley, there will always be a tinge of intensity in female relationships because we're always in competition with each other.

Again, I must emphasize stereotyping women as competitive animals is just that: stereotyping. As a fellow woman, I can't say I've ever been in a female friendship that was wrought with jealousy, competition or outright hatred. But then again, I don't stay friends with people who find that dynamic acceptable, male or female.

But this isn't my biggest concern with Teen Vogue's Gay Best Friend article, it's this: they imply your gender or sexuality determines the quality of your friendships. Speaking as a female, I just can't find this acceptable. Aren't we in an age where gender stereotypes are a thing of the past? That's a question best left for Teen Vogue's editorial staff.

Want to read the article for yourself? Check it out here: Hot Topic: Gay Best Friend

Sources:
"Hot Topic: Gay Best Friend (GBF)" (TeenVogue.com; accessed June 9, 2010)
Amy Odell, "Teen Vogue: Is a GBF (Gay Best Friend) the New Must-Have Accessory for Teen Girls?" (NYMag.com; accessed June 10, 2010)