Teenage Girls and Esteem: Tips to Boost Confidence

As we all know, the teenage years can be rough. Dealing with peer pressure along with physical changes can be just a pain in the backside. However, we somehow all overcome this trying time - be it a family member or even a friend. Unfortunately, some teenagers don't have anyone to turn to for advice. As a mentor to young girls, I've used a few tactics along the way that have actually helped out my 'little sisters'.

1) Finding Real Role Models

One big problem that we face in general is society. Let's face it, we have programs like "America's Next Top Model" that make you think in order to make it that you have to be waifer thin and tall. We don't and it doesn't help when you have 'idols' out there that verify this idea of having to be thin. There is a difference between being thin and being healthy. Girls need to remember to focus on what makes the person a role model and less on their appearance.

Show these girls other people out there, not just specifically celebrities, who do amazing feats every day and are of every body shape and image. Take Jewel, for example. Jewel isn't thin and has mentioned before that she has imperfect teeth and is fine with it. She's also very talented and giving back to people. Remind girls that fame and riches does not always mean good role model. Finding a down to earth role model will give her a boost in confidence in accepting who she is.

2) Tell her to define her style

Have you seen the outfits that are "in style" for Spring and Summer of 2008? Some of them are just impossible unless you're perfectly toned and pretty much flawless. What's that say about a girls esteem? Who cares what big wigs in the fashion industry say is popular. Style should be about confidence, not about looking cute for the boys. Tell her that younger girls dressed like that often attract the wrong men. When she gets older men will appreciate a woman who looks good and doesn't have to "sell" her appearance for a relationship. Be sure to let her know that confidence is about feeling good in what you wear, not looking good in what you wear.

3) Support her dreams

Maybe her dreams seem weird or impractical to you or others. You can't let personal feelings get involved in dreams or aspirations. This will make them feel rejected. I'm going to share a mini-story with you about my mother who wasn't supported in her dreams. Back in 1967, my mother got an offer to go to a school that was big for journalism and other writers. Two people came to her home to interview her and her mother and father answered the door, told them to go away and immediately told her that writing was not a career. This crushed her for the rest of her life and still, when she mentions it you can see the life just fade from her eyes as dreams turn to desolation.

You might not think her idea of a career is enticing but let her see for herself if it is what she desires. Support her! If you can help her in any way, do so. If it means driving to an audition 2 hours away and you can afford it, by all means just show your support. When she feels that she can actually do what she dreams, you may see her shoot for the stars.

4) Listen, listen, listen

Puberty in general is just chaos. Sure, the young miss may have it easy compared to you, but, to her that IS the most difficult time in her life. Hormones are going whack, her body is changing and she is developing stresses that we adults don't see as 'too big a deal' in retrospect. If she's having a rough day listen to her, but, do not offer advice unless she asks and it's something you can generally offer positive input towards. As a mentor, I've seen many kids feel that their parents just don't listen. Not listening to them means "oh my parents ignore me" and ignoring makes no child feel special at all. In fact, they'll question their worth sometimes and as we've seen, sometimes this feeling of no love from parents can lead to dangerous and traumatic behaviors.

5) Affection

This applies to anyone in general. Everyone, regardless of age, desires the feelings of love. Love your child unconditionally. If she's done something excellent in school praise her for it. My father was afraid to even say "I love you" to most of his children, excepting his oldest daughter. It isn't overly mushy and let's these young girls know that as they are they are loved. If they mess up something, still, be positive to her. Give her the old "We'll do better next time" line. It may seem cheesy to you, but to a girl in the time of chaos, it'll boost her esteem and give her the encouragement she needs to do better next time.

While there are many other ways to boost a young girls esteem, these five are the standards I personally use when mentoring young girls. While I have lost track of several of my 'little sisters' the ones I still keep in touch with are happy that they had someone there with them to get them through their teenage years. Remember, even a little esteem can go a long way.