Teenage Pregnancy--Making Irresponsible Choices

At Gloucester High School in Gloucester, Massachusetts, administrators noticed an extraordinary rise in pregnancy for girls sixteen and under at the school. The number rose from an average of four pregnancies a year to seventeen. Upon investigation, administrators discovered that several girls in the school had made pacts to become pregnant and raise the children together. "According to Bill Albert, deputy director of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 10 percent to 15 percent of teen pregnancies are intended."

Growing up at a time when girls who became pregnant were treated unfairly, I find it difficult to comprehend why high school students would exchange high fives when a pregnancy test came back positive. The girls I went to school with would have been ashamed and afraid to tell their parents. They would have been forced to stop attending school because their situation would have been considered a disruption to the learning environment. Although I think shaming pregnant students and removing them from school is disgraceful, I don't see a problem in treating the pregnancy as a serious, life-changing event.

There's no doubt that our society has relaxed its moral attitude. Thank goodness, pregnant teenagers are no longer shunned, but I sometimes wonder if in an effort to be fair, we as a society have overcompensated and have created the false impression that the lives of a pregnant teenage girl and her family will not change dramatically.

As a teacher, many times I've witnessed young mothers showing off their babies to their classmates. Rarely have I heard them talk about the difficulty of caring for the baby. At those times, they're happy to soak up the oohs and ahhs of their friends. I don't know if their carefree attitude is a cover up or if their parents have taken on the burden of raising the child. In any case, are we creating a false impression that nothing in their lives has changed? Are we failing to make kids understand that it's difficult and costly to raise a child?

Some people believe that low self-esteem is a major contributor to the many problems that our children face today, including teenage pregnancy. Tremendous efforts to improve self-esteem, however, have not produced the results so many of us anticipated. As a matter of fact, I maintain that society's misunderstanding of how to raise self-esteem has actually contributed to many of our problems. Helping children avoid facing the consequences of their behavior in an effort to protect their damaged self-esteem only encourages irresponsibility.

Even President Bush's "No Child Left Behind Act" takes the accountability of successful learning off the shoulder of the student and puts it on the school. The law's response if the school fails to make adequate yearly progress based on standardized testing of students is to impose punitive measures on the school. If a student chooses to sit in a classroom and do nothing, his teacher cannot make him learn. Yet, the teacher is expected to discover a way to move that child to the next grade level because President Bush has completely ignored the necessity for the child to be willing to learn.

Refusing to work or wishing to become pregnant with no means of supporting a child is irresponsible at any age. How do we teach children to make responsible choices and help them understand that their choices ultimately determine the direction of their lives? If kids become more responsible in all aspects of lives, won't their self-esteem raise automatically?

Dr. William Glasser, a renowned psychologist, wrote a book called Choice Theory in which he discusses that all human beings have four basic needs in addition to the need to survive. The needs are belonging, power, freedom, and fun (William Glasser 31-41). Our attempt to fulfill these needs drives us throughout our lives. If we are deficit in one area, we sometimes try to compensate by getting more from another area. For example, we may strive for power if we are unable to meet the need for love and belonging.

Try to imagine that an individual is sitting in a car and each tire represents one of the needs, belonging, power, freedom, and fun. Ideally, that person could drive the car straight through life's journey with everything perfectly balanced. Just as with any trip, however, there are turns, detours, and decisions that affect where you ultimately end up and how much you enjoy your drive. If the driver has a map, he may occasionally be thrown by a detour, but for the most part, his decisions are more likely to get him where he wants to go better than if he just willy nilly turns here and there with no preparation.

Dr. Glasser maintains that the success and happiness in our lives is governed by the choices we make throughout our lives. We can measure the success of our "journey" by the happiness we feel. If we are unhappy, then we should determine what need is deficit and "steer our car" in a direction to fulfill that need (William Glasser 31).

The important thing to remember is that each person is in charge of steering his own car. No matter how much we want to make our children do what's best for them, we cannot make them. We can bribe, cajole, beg, and threaten, but we cannot make them do as we say. This is where responsibility comes in. If no one can make another person do anything, how can anyone be responsible for someone else's behavior?

Of course, I'm excluding situations where a person's life is in danger. If someone threatens a person's life, chances are the threatened person will do as he was told at least until he is out of danger. Keep in mind, however, that even then the threatened person may choose to die rather than give in. Ultimately, we make our own choices in life, and the choices we make are based on our need for belonging, power, freedom, and fun.

The best thing to do, it seems, is to teach children how to recognize and understand the relationship between their feelings and their needs. Once they understand why they are unhappy, sad, indifferent, or any other emotion, then assist them in learning how to make responsible, healthy choices that will help them meet their needs without hurting themselves or others. Ultimately, we cannot make them do what we want, but we can teach them how to improve their lives by making responsible choices and being responsible for the outcome of their choices.

If we stop and think about it, teenagers don't usually become pregnant because they don't know about birth control and they don't always protect themselves in spite of being afraid of the consequences. Years ago, when girls knew they would be shunned and their illegitimate babies would be mistreated, there were still teenagers who became pregnant. What did each one need in her life so badly that she was willing to take a chance of sacrificing her happiness as well as that of her child's? If she had understood her feelings, would she have continued down the road of self-destruction or would she have been more in control of her destiny?

Dr. Glasser's theory seems so simple, but applying it to our daily lives is far from simple because it means accepting that we cannot control others. Getting students in touch with their own needs and giving them the tools necessary to evaluate and understand how their emotions are indicators of how well those needs are being met is not easy. Yet, if we help our children gain control of their lives and if we try to create a non coercive relationship with them, we have a better chance that they will make sound, responsible decisions.

http://www.politicalgateway.com/news/read/154719

http://www.gloucestertimes.com/punews/local_story_067063101.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_Child_Left_Behind_Act

William Glasser, M.D. Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom. New York: Harper Perennial, A Division of Harper Collins Publishers, 1999.