Teenage Struggles that Caused Me to Lean on God

I will begin by saying that this article is one of many that will explore my personal relationship with God. I will begin with a journal entry that I wrote four years ago and depict the changes that have occurred from then until now. These articles will be personal and spiritual, and I hope that they can serve as a guide or just as words that may help another believer regain their confidence in the Lord.

January 3, 2005

In the past four months, my life has changed. For the better, then the worse, and now hopefully back to the better. A few months ago I met a guy, began to like him, and began the best relationship I could ever dream of, with him. He is amazing! We are just so perfect together, and just "click." Not only are we both Christians, but we have a lot in common, and we just have this growing relationship that keeps getting better. The problem, though, was that not long ago, we started to let some physical things slide, more and more, until we figured out that we were in trouble. So, we decided we would just stop doing stuff, and it didn't work, because when we were together, it didn't feel like we could have "self-control."

Our New Years Resolutions were to have self-control and we broke them within thirty minutes of the ball drop. So last night we had a talk and really set some boundaries that I hope and pray we can keep. During our conversation, my sister brought out these bracelets she had made for us, and we decided to use them as like a reminder, a sign, and just something to wear, so when we had sinful thoughts or were thinking about misbehaving, we would see them, stop, and think about Jesus. I'm very grateful that I do have a guy like mine, who is willing to, and wants to set boundaries in a relationship and keep them.

A lot of guys only want one thing, but Steven is more into having me than any of that. We decided that we could still be together and do things with self-control, but if either of us began to lose it, they would tell the other person and stop. I am so thankful for my boyfriend and I praise God for letting me be with him. I'm also so sorry that we sinned and lost control, and I pray that God forgives me. Right now, I also pray that God will be with me and my boyfriend, and help us to have self-control, and to have a wonderful relationship with God in it. A week ago, we were in Tennessee at a Youth Conference, and we said we wanted to have that.. a relationship with God. I am so thankful, and so lucky to have my boyfriend but I'm even more thankful and more lucky to have God. Without the Lord, nothing is possible, and without him, I wouldn't have my boyfriend. Thank you, God, for forgiveness, and for forgiving me. Right now I want to say that I love you, and I want to rededicate my life to you, and start again. I want to love and serve you, and show you to the world. Thank you, Jesus, I love you!

I wrote this excerpt at the age of 15, when I was merely a sophomore in high school. I had come across something which I had never experienced so strongly before, and that was lust. As a young teenager struggling through the adolescent years of trying to find acceptance and love, I leaned heavily on my relationships. Today I am 19, and a sophomore in college, and I have to say that looking back, I wish I had stuck to what I wrote. My words empower me even now to pick up God's word and read it. They give me the desire to have that relationship with God, and to connect myself with him in order to serve him.

Sitting here now, I can still remember that cold January night when I was out on the back porch swing with my boyfriend. If we had only held on to those boundaries we set, then I wouldn't have had to deal with nearly as much heartache and distress as I have in the past three years. Yes, that's right; I am still in a relationship with the same guy. He is still absolutely wonderful, and I love him with all of my heart, but we have had our fair share of mistakes. Above them all, I would place crossing sexual boundaries.

My advice to any young couples would be to stay young. Don't bring maturity on too fast, and don't do anything stupid that could potentially cause your life to change dramatically. I really do think it's important for anyone in a relationship to set those boundaries, and stick to them. Doing this will help keep your relationship with God strong, as well as keep your relationship from turning in the wrong direction.