Teenager's Survival Guide to Divorce

Divorce is difficult for every one involved. Many times people think that because you are a teenager you are better able to cope with divorce. Just because you are older does not mean that you will experience the loss of divorce any easier than a younger child. Having a plan can help you survive any situation, even your parent's divorce.

Know Your Right's

Divorce law is different in every state. Don't be afraid to ask your parents to let you be involved in the decisions that involve you. You need to be comfortable with the arrangements made since you are going to be living with them daily. Do research on the internet to find out what role your state allows you to take during a divorce.

Mark Your Territory

No matter how well a divorce is going at least one of your parents will be finding a new place to live. You may feel like a stranger in this new territory but it is important that you feel comfortable there when you move in or go for visitations. Try to think of the new house or apartment as your home too. Discuss with your parent ways you can make your new room your own. A couple of gallons of fresh paint, in a fun color, is an inexpensive way to express yourself. Many department stores also sell "Bed In a Bag" sets. These are matching bed spread and sheet sets that can sell for as little as $29.00. They come in a variety of styles and colors and are an inexpensive way to really pull your new room together.

It is important keep or develop a close relationship with the parent who has moved away. Perhaps you could plan a date night together and take a trip to the hardware and department stores to pick out your new paint and room accessories. Afterwards, you can have fun together doing the work. However, you may feel this is something you need to do alone, and that is fine too, just be sure to have your parent's permission to paint before getting started. Also, be sure to have all the tools you need and that you know how to do all the work.

Each visitation arrangement is different in every divorce. Whatever you and your parents decide is right for you , the visits should be a time you enjoy and can look forward to. Packing a suitcase every weekend can become a nuisance and can make you feel like you are always on the go. Try picking out a few of your favorite outfits and leave them at your and your parent's new home. This way you will always be ready for a visit and you will feel more at home and less like you are checking into a hotel room each week. Just remember to have plenty of what you will need at both places and don't overlook items such as undergarments and toiletries. It will also be important to change out clothes at both homes according to the change of seasons.

You Have Experienced a Loss

Divorce is a very stressful situation for everyone involved. Even if your parents marriage was horrible you will probably go through the grieving processes that are experienced with any loss. At first you may not believe what is happening. This is the denial process. You must remember that this is your parents decision and that not accepting what is happening will only prolong the grieving process. Don't let well meaning friends or family belittle your feelings by saying things like "It could be worse.' or "Look on the bright side." You feelings are real and need to be addressed. Some teenagers accept their parents divorce quickly and easily and it can take others months or even years to accept their situation.

You may become very angry. This anger may be directed toward one or both parents, yourself or the situation in general. It is very much your right to be angry at such a difficult situation. It is important to find constructive way to deal with and express that anger so that no one is emotionally or physically injured.

You might begin to think of ways to fix your parent's marriage. It may seem like a good idea to try and convince them to stay together. Telling them that you will do better in school or keep your room cleaner will not make them have a better marriage. You must remember that their divorce is not your fault and that it is an adult problem that you have no control over. There is absolutely nothing you can do to fix the situation other than to learn the best way for you to deal with the personal effects of it.

Depression often becomes a problem when dealing with divorce. You may still be in denial or experience anger and sadness, but you may become numb to these feelings. If you begin to have feelings of despair that are to much for you to handle, you must find someone you can talk to. A religious leader, teacher, aunt or uncle,or grandparent would all be happy to listen to your feelings. Watch for the signs of depression such as, losing interest in your daily activities, loss of appetite, extreme tiredness, or more importantly thoughts of suicide. If you experience any of these feelings ask for help immediately from someone you trust.

During this grieving process you can experience a large range of feelings. Loneliness, sorrow, shame and guilt are just a few of the feelings people may have when dealing with a divorce. You may find it helpful to keep a journal to document what you are feeling. This can be helpful when there is no one available to talk to or when you just cannot find the words to say. Don't worry about writing well in your journal. It is perfectly fine to just jot down descriptive words or even draw pictures that express how you feel.

Find A Hobby

You may feel overwhelmed while experiencing all these new feelings. It may be helpful to find something constructive to distract yourself if things become to crazy. Tai Kwando, yoga, or a trip to the gym may be just what you need. You may want to try scrap booking some of you memories, taking an art class, learning a new language, or learning to play a musical instrument.

Whatever you decide to do make sure it is constructive. Try to stay away from secluding yourself in your room with the television or with the computer and video games. Most importantly, stay away from drug or alcohol use, which is not only illegal, but will only make your situation more complicated.

Find Closure and Forgiveness

It may not seem like it now, but one day you will come to accept your parent's divorce. You will find a way to forgive your parents for their decision and this will be the best thing for you. Holding onto resentment never hurts the person you are angry with. You are the only one who can feel the pain of a grudge. You may find it helpful to begin looking to the future. Think about where you want be six months or a year from now. Set goals and work to achieve them. Divorce is difficult to deal with but it doesn't have to define who you are.