Teenagers: Why They Don't Always Listen to Their Parents

Does it sometimes feel as though you are either talking to yourself, or to a brick wall when trying to give good solid advice to your teen aged children? Why does it seem that they never listen?

You might remember being a teenager yourself, and in thinking back, know full well that you didn't always heed your parent's good advice either. So do you really wonder why your own teens might not be listening to you?

In the mind of a teenager, they feel that the distance in time between themselves and their parents might as well be a hundred years. That is how much they feel their parents are "out of touch" with the modern world or "their" generation. They can't comprehend, not that much has really changed over a span of a mere twenty or so years.

The Years Between Childhood and Adulthood

There is a precarious line between childhood and adulthood. Teens are not yet conditioned for responsibilities, having had all their needs met by their parents for the majority of their lives, thus far. They are teetering on the brink between childhood, still needing their parents, and young adulthood, where they should be taking on more responsibilities. In their mind, and a still immature way of thinking, their idea of grown up responsibility is in doing as they please.

Something for parents to keep in mind as well, our teens are trying to come into their own. Their defiance, is in actuality, a way for them to deal with the transition period of easing gradually into adulthood and making some of their own decisions (and no, they don't always seem to be making good decisions). After all, when they are on their own, we expect them to figure out certain things for themselves, being able to make many of their own decisions and make good judgments.

We don't expect them to still come running home to us, asking what should they do in the case of this or that. Of course, as parents, we do still want to be there for them when the going gets rough, or should they decide to come to us for advice every now and then. However, we just can't be there for them every day, once they are on their own, or soon to be. This is their way of preparing themselves for becoming independent adults, complete with their own thoughts, ideas and views on the world around them, and that may include having some ideas that are very different from our own.

Getting Through The Rebellious Years

The secret to getting through these difficult times, is to always keep an open line of communication with your teens. Don't look at their defiance, or seemingly rebellious stage, as them being "against" you, or that they just don't want to listen to your good, well-meaning advice. Understand that they are, in their own way, trying to find their own independence, their own footing in life. It is just another "stage" in their lives and development, on the road to becoming the person that they are to be.

They are in fact, learning how to make their own decisions and it might just "seem" to us parents that they are preferring to rebel against us. As parents, we do have to allow them to be the individuals that they are, to a degree. We can still be a part of their lives, still give them guidance, offer the wisdom of our experiences, but we have to find new ways in doing that. Being forceful and demanding is just not the correct route. In fact, being "too" forceful could cause them to retaliate in even far worse ways, thinking that you don't have faith in their decision making.

We have to learn to step back and realize that they don't need our constant presence, supervision and direction as much anymore. By doing so, but still being available to them, helps both teen and parent get through this transition a whole lot easier.

Learning By Trial And Error

Sometimes teens will have to make mistakes in life. This too, is their way of finding out what works for them and what doesn't. Sometimes they might even need the ups and downs so that they learn the lessons of life better "through" the experience, good and bad. There may even have to be some tough lessons that they will have to experience in order to understand the full gravity of their actions and the consequences thereof.

Give Them Guidelines

As a parent, all you can do really, is to give them some proper guidelines and guidance throughout their childhood. If you have done this in a loving, understanding and compassionate way throughout their lives, and especially during the teen aged years, they shouldn't deviate too far from the right path. When you plant seeds of good, moral values and ethics from day one, they should always come back to those ways no matter what.