Teens Beating Teens: A Look Inside Teen Dating Abuse

A problem that is becoming more and more common is teen dating abuse. The big issue of domestic violence has spilled over onto our kids with more and more girls getting abused by their boyfriends. Is this a problem that people isn't talking about, don't want to talk about, or want to stay blissfully ignorant that this is really going on. The fact is, it is going on and it must be dealt with.

Here are some statistics for you based on a study provided by Liz Clairborne Inc; 13% of girls in a relationship reported physical abuse. 1 in 4 teen girls, who has been in a relationship, has been forced to perform sexual acts, and 1 in 5 have been threatened. The hard facts; our girls are getting physically and sexually abused by boys that we probably trust to date them. There are probably a large number of them who are too afraid to tell anyone about it.

We all know about abuse. Either it has happened to us or we know someone who has gone through it before. The victim thinks that it is their fault; that they deserve what it happening to them. The abuser is very effective at lowering the victims self-worth before the physical aspect even takes place. The victim starts to feel worthless, ashamed, embarrassed, hurt, and a slew of other negative feelings towards themselves that prevents them from stepping up, speaking out, and seeking help for themselves.

Just think of a teen going through this. They are already at a tender age; dealing with school, the awkward adjustment of adolescence, dealing with peers and trying to fit in, pressures about sex, drugs, and alcohol, and planning for their futures. Now add domestic abuse on top of all of that.

What is going on in our society when teens start abusing their girlfriends? I never understood domestic abuse or why men would hit their wives; but amongst teens? I am baffled and incredibly sad by this trend. Are young adult boys immolating what they see at home? Do they witness the male figures in their lives hit, scream at, and belittle women? And, what does this say about this their futures as husbands and fathers?

The main focus is to get abused girls talking; get them to come forward to report the abuse. Not only can they be saved from the violence, but if violent behavior is brought into light, maybe the boys have a chance for rehabilitation before they develop into abusive men. In order to do this, our girls must feel safe enough or trust us enough to come forward with this. We also should be paying enough attention to our children where if something was wrong in their lives we would see the signs. A black eye shouldn't be the only indicator that they have a problem.

Detecting the warning signs is the first step. The first thing that happens is the boyfriend may distant her from her other friends. If a friend witnessed abusive behavior or so that they won't, he would try to force her to cut ties. If your daughter, friend, or someone you know becomes more isolated and doesn't socialize with the same people as they did before dating this guy, this could be a clear sign that abuse is going on or at the beginning stages.

Another sign is changing in psychological state. Any victim of abuse will start to withdraw and show signs of depression. They become less talkative and sociable. They may spend a large amount of time moping around the house, stop caring about their appearance, stop laughing or smiling, and become sad. If there is a change in their usual personality, start asking the hard questions.

Is the boyfriend always keeping tabs on her? This also can be a clue. Constant calling or texting, or if you find that the girl have to 'check in' with him on a regular basis is not what is considered normal behavior. Yes, teens like to talk on the phone and text each other. When the relationship is new, constant communication is pretty much the norm. The way you can tell the difference is when it goes from 'wanting' to keep up with each other to 'having or needing' to keep up with each other. If it becomes imperative that she has to let him know where she is or what she is doing, and there is no happiness or joy about it, then it is time to worry.

The boyfriend is also a source of information when trying to detect abuse. There are ways to tell from his behavior if he is or is prone to abuse; such as, if he becomes jealous easily, if he is caught yelling at times, or if he comes from an abusive background. I am a firm believer that people choose their own paths and make their own decisions. It is a documented fact that a percentage kids from abusive backgrounds will themselves become abusers. There also a percentage that doesn't. So, the boyfriend's background alone isn't a clear-cut sign that something is going and you shouldn't accuse him just based on that. But, it is an excuse for warning, and you should watch for the presence of the other signs.

If you are sure that someone you know are getting abuse get them talking, get them help, and get them to safety. A source of excellent information on this subject is www.loveisnotabuse.com. This is a website sponsored by Liz Clairborne Inc. for victims of domestic abuse. Speaking up in a case of teenage dating abuse is something that will not only help the victim, but also the abuser.