Teens and Peer Pressure

High school is different for everyone and no two teens are alike. The urge to follow the leader is common for teenagers who struggle to fit in. Many teens would do nearly anything to be in the popular group and that's the focus of this discussion. To what lengths will a child go to be accepted? What can we do to get them to open up and stay on course?

Peer pressure is the number one reason why our children get into trouble. As much as we'd like to blame their friends for being a bad influence we can't. Peer pressure is happening to all teenagers and it starts with smoking, paving the way for more serious problems.

Teens have been exposed to the warning ads on television and they've read the warning on the cigarette pack. Most have heard more than one lecture from parents, guardians or school. While teens know smoking is harmful, many will do it anyway because they don't want to look like a loser in front of their friends. It would be accurate to say that peers trump parents every time. According to "Focus Adolescent Services", a support group geared toward parents and teens; "The influence of peer - whether positive or negative - is of critical importance in your teen's life." Teens are faced with making many decisions during high school, good and bad. Focus Adolescent Services states; "Whether you like it or not, the opinions of your child's peers often carry more weight than yours." (Focus Adolescent Services, 2008)

Unfortunately, peer pressure isn't just about cigarettes; it's about drugs, alcohol, sex and a host of other things. Peer pressure leads to reckless behavior, teen pregnancy, drug and alcohol addiction as well as a higher percentage of high school dropout rates. Peer pressure for teens can have a lasting impact on their lives and put them in harm's way, but there is something you can do about it before it gets out of control.

One of the best ways to find out what your teen is thinking is to ask. Most parents say "How was your day" and get the generic "okay" or "fine" response. What happens next is common. We shrug our shoulders and move along to something else. We accept that everything in their world is okay and this couldn't be farther from the truth. All teens are struggling in one or two areas of their life, so become a part of it. Spend more time with them, just talking and eventually they will tell you how they feel.

When your teenager does open up, don't hog the conversation and litter it with questions. Listen to them instead. Let them express themselves. Listening is the key. Most teens have a difficult time identifying with their parents, but if we listen, we provide an outlet for them to vent their concerns. Most of the time, all teens want to do is talk. You have to learn how to bite your tongue and not let the conversation take on a lecture quality. Talking about school, homework and their friends will eventually lead to the bigger issues, like fitting in.

Remember that you too were a teenager at one time. Anger, lectures and ultimatums don't work. These methods will shut them off and force them to make decisions based only on peer pressure and their friend's opinions. Give your kids room to express themselves and listen. When they do finally open up and begin sharing with you, that's when you can make a difference.

Listening and spending more time with them will build the natural bond and instill trust. Identify with how they feel. Give them examples of things that you went through as a teen, but limit those examples to problems you were able to solve and then tell them how you solved them. Lastly, we do need to remember that the problems adolescents face may seem trivial in our adult eyes, but to them are critical. Don't downplay their problems or make them feel like their overreacting. Ask. Talk. Listen. Three simple steps to communicating with your children. You can't help them if you don't first listen...

If your situation is complex and your child is putting themselves at risk, please seek out help. Depression or drug addiction cannot be solved with a home remedy; only a medical professional can make assessments and treatment plans.

References:

Focus Adolescent Services (2008). Peer Influence. Retrieved January 15, 2008, from http://www.focusas.com/PeerInfluence.html