Teens, Testosterone Poisoning and the Trial Years Ahead

OK, time to be brutally honest here! My son is 14 and he is going through what my mother referred to years ago as the "terrible teens". Well, times have changed dramatically since my brother and I were his age, so today, in our house, we call it (and rightly so) "testosterone poisoning".

The term is not used lightly nor is it used in vain. It is used in all seriousness and with great trepidation. For not only has my son grown feet the size of small boats, and sprouted a rather impressive amount of facial hair, he has also acquired a girlfriend who is much more mature than he is in more than one way. In other words, this young woman has given new meaning to "girl crazy" in my son's life!

To try to get a handle on the raging hormones of these two, we have set some rules in our home, effective immediately which for the time being seem to have stemmed the tide of teen angst. Though they are far from perfect guidelines, they may well help another family deal with hormone hell. Please use them as you will. I hope your years of teen crazies go by faster than mine have....this is becoming a major motion picture drama wise in our home!

Rule #1 NO contact with the "current squeeze during the week. (This is made simpler because they go to different schools....you might encourage distance between your teen romances....it's much easier to deal with!)

Rule #2 NO IM use or use of MYSPACE during the week. (This also limits contact between the starcrossed lovers as neither seem to remember how to put pen to paper and communicate since their sole communication skills seem to be CUL and TTFN..)

Rule #3 All school work must be started immediately upon return home from school. There will always be homework unless you are getting an A in all classes (this covers a lot of ground and is a fail safe rule...use it as you wish!)

Rule #4 ...there will be NO contact with current squeeze on weekends if grades are sub par (this insures that said child will pass each class due to fear of embarrassment, loss of squeeze or both)

Rule #5 Mom and Dad will make all rules and regulations as long as you are living under their roof...no exceptions, no questions.(this is one of my favorites and covers all lapses in memory on Mom's part as well as hunches dad may have regarding said son and current squeeze)

Rule #6 If you have any problems with Rules 1-4 please see rule #5 and repeat as necessary.

So, there you have it. Our rules for the testosterone tossed years. I hope they have been of some help to the rest of you. I know we thought long and hard before we made these rules. And I assure you, implementing them (along with a liberal dose of homework and duct tape for excessive whining noise,) have made our home a much more peaceful place. Good luck....if your home is anything like mine, you're going to need it!