Teethworld!

A long time ago there was one ad on TV that grabbed my attention immediately. For those who haven't seen it, I'll describe it.

The ad starts with "Dentists" and "Dental-assistants", all aged around 20-25, in a spacious and rather minimalist looking place, vaguely portraying a Dental Surgery, but minus the frightening equipment Dental people are so fond of. Seated in rather comfy looking chairs other 20 year olds were fitted with sparkling white new teeth, as by miracle. No extractions, no pain and everybody looked very happy. Over the door it said "Teeth world". All these wrinkle-free,airbrushed,worry-free and lipo-suctioned young folks had found this wonderful Haven somehow. The white-clad Dental-assistants opened boxes and they could even choose which teeth they liked. Then a tearing sound and the voice-over said: "Teeth world doesn't exist"."Use blah blah toothpaste".

As I was watching this ad with vivid attention I said to my long-suffering husband: "Now, this is the first ad I truly liked and they do this to me? Why can't there a place called Teeth World for people like me? People who hate going to the dentist, who don't like pain. Besides of which, while I was there I wanted to be airbrushed as well, and get a peachy skin like those Assistants. I bet if I just stayed long enough, I would look exactly like them."

My husband looked doubtful. Mentally he was adding up how much this complete overhaul of his wife was going to cost him. In his mind he'd sold the house,the cars and everything we own, just to live in a tent in the woods with his airbrushed wife. Whom nobody was going to see, except the squirrels,so it was all for nothing. He decided, as all wise husbands do when they see their lives disappearing because their wives come up with expensive plans, that some damage-control and diplomacy was needed.

"You look fine to me; and you just bought all those new clothes. And what about all that new make-up you bought last month? It cost a fortune and you never put it on, except when you've had the flu". This was true, all of it. And when I put my new clothes on and enough make-up I sort of looked alright, from a long distance. At dusk, or in candlelight.

Still, the moment they open a "Teeth World" around here, I'll be their first customer. I'll just take a newspaper-run to afford it.