Temper Tantrums - Who is Really to Blame for the Meltdowns?

Here comes the freight train again, barreling down around the corner as you try to grocery shop. You stare at the scene and shake your head as a mother passes by with an out of control toddler in tow. You can see that they have a case of the "gimmies" and you swear that when YOU have children it will never be like that.

You think that you are going to have a nice dinner with your husband and newborn only to have some bits of hamburger thrown at the back of your head over the booth. To add insult to injury, the mother doesn't even say to anything to the child. You think to yourself that is not going to end up being your family one day. Strolling through the park to loose those extra few inches with the baby in the sling, or stroller, you comfort yourself with some calming mantra that the screaming banshees that you see are never going to be your children. Then reality hits.

There you are stuck in the middle of construction and all you want to do is get home. It's been a frustrating day getting in and out of the car, toddler in tow, and while they have been a champ all day and stuck it out right by your side you know they are getting overwhelmed. You know that you are already overwhelmed. When you do get home your wonderful husband is sitting there with a smile on his face he asks you about your day, but quickly follows it up with "What is for dinner?" That's it!

You decide that you are not going to slave over the stove, then have time to eat a cold dinner because you had to cajole the toddler into eating his peas and then have to change diapers/potty train in the midst of trying to wash the dinner dishes. It's time to eat out! The toddler gets back into the car with you, for the 6th time today. You know that he needs some mommy and daddy time and this is going to be the perfect opportunity to focus on your family. The only problem is you have no reservations for this day. You get to stand in line for 15 minutes for a simple booth. Finally you get sat and start telling your husband about your day. The hot post office, the over crowded grocery store, the preschool party that you attended...All of it comes spewing out and you are so in the moment of getting it off your chest that you don't notice that your son has lost his fork, misplaced the sugar packets and is making "sand castles" out of salt. Suddenly you come to and realize, you are one of those parents! How did this happen, better yet WHEN did this happen?

Is it your husbands fault for not paying attention to him? It is his turn after all, you had to do it all day! Is it the preschools fault? They don't enforce proper behavior and you know some of those kids get away with murder in there! Perhaps it is just your son. He is a little monster and is getting back at you because he didn't want to get in and out of the car a million times today... Where this is a crazy string of thoughts, we are getting more to the truth aren't we?

We all understand the need for a day off, a moms night out, if you will. The daily frustrations of life have a way of building up and then you eventually vent it out to a friend or spouse. Our problem starts when we don't realize that toddlers are little people, with even smaller tolerances of daily life. Small children only know how to protest and complain after they have reached, and exceeded, their limits. Do we punish them at this point? Do we drop everything that we need to do and take them straight home? What is a parent supposed to do when we ask so much out of this little package and it finally explodes, right in the middle of the grocery store?

Each family has a different way of turning these full blown tantrums and bad behaviors around. You remember the lady that was walking around ignoring the tantrum and now think that it may not have been such a bad idea. If you give in they will only scream more right? But look at all the people staring at you and they are making your anxiety level go up. Surely one treat will get you through the store and the faster you get out the faster you can reduce both your, and your child's, frustration levels. You give that one little treat and now you get more dirty looks because they all think that you give in and that is why your child does these public outbursts. Somehow you realize that you can't win for loosing in this situation.

Life can sometimes get so overwhelming that we are screaming in the car at other drivers. We are cursing the cashiers because they went to hand you the change for the 20 and you decided to give them a dime for that 2 cent difference and now they have to do the math on that. It all ends here for you. You realize that you to have outbursts and temper tantrums, while not wild and as outlandish as a toddler, and that they are normal emotions when our brain just wants to get off the roller coaster. The life itself doesn't actually change, but your outlook does. Sometimes you have to take the tantrums with a grain of salt. The next time you walk past a person giving you that look, you know the one, you give them a knowing glance and simply smile. They will have their day of awakening and realize. It's no ones fault.