Temporary Depression or More Than That?

We all experience depression. Common signs of depression can range from unexplained tiredness, having no desire to socialize, aches and pains physically, and frequent sadness. These are just some of the signs and there are many more factors involved all depending on the person. Sometimes depression can last just a few days, weeks, months or even longer. Depression affects thousands of Americans every year. The stress of today's fast pace lifestyle and people's problems ranging from personal to financial causes depression to escalate. But how do we know when we've let our depression go to far? Everyone has their own limits, so how do we know? Well, from personal experience, it's when you can't recognize yourself in the mirror any longer and your desire to care about yourself and what happens to you in the future has completely vanished. When I was suffering from severe depression I did not want to socialize, I never wanted to go anywhere, and I had lack of interest in all the things I would usually enjoy. I was so tired, but I could never sleep and with working sixty hours a week at the time, I felt like I was going to lose it at anytime.

My cheese finally slid off my cracker on October 23, 2002. I took a sword, yes, a sword from my collection, to my arm and sliced my arm three times horizontally from my wrist all the way up to my forearm. Luckily ,I missed any major arteries. I hadn't planned on doing it that day, it just happened. I was so depressed and had been for almost nine months straight. I had thoughts of suicide before, but never of cutting my arms or wrists. I just thought at times I would take a lot of pills. I had barely missed the artery in my wrist and the other two cuts were very deep. The third and last cut was the deepest of all. There was blood everywhere and it looked like you could fit a golf ball inside my arm. I couldn't work for eight weeks after and it took about a year for me to feel like I was gaining strength back in my arm. I don't know what made me do something to that extreme. It was like I took all I could and finally snapped. I don't even have full memory of doing the action. It was if I did it to know I could still feel and so I wouldn't feel numb inside anymore. I had to see a counselor for months and she gave me some anti-depressants. They really did help. The medicines they have these days to treat depression can be a godsend or they can harm you more by getting addicted to them. But, none the less, they are saving peoples lives. I took my medicine for about a year and then got off of it. I decided it had done it's job and helped me through the hardest part and it was time for me to learn to deal with my life and push away all the negative thoughts.

I obviously let my depression go on too long to where I didn't know who I was anymore. If you start feeling severely depressed for a long period of time and have suicidal thoughts, please get help. You may think you can fight it yourself and control it, but you are most likely dead wrong. My pride and stubbornness kept me from getting help, don't do the same thing I did and wait for something bad to happen. I still deal with depression today without medication, but now that I am more informed about my condition, I can revert to positive thinking and convince myself I will make it pass because it's unhealthy for me. Some people are so bad they cannot do this and I hope this is not you if you are reading this. If this is you then get help immediately. Depression can run your life if you let it and that is no way to live. You are much more valuable and important to the ones that love you.