Tempted

I think the world is going a little too fast for me. I feel that we need to listen to the news less and focus on being more spiritual. Yet I am tested, tempted even, by things out of my control. I love being spiritual. But over the last ten years, men have grabbed at me more than asking me out on a date. Making me tempted to mace the next sucker who does this.

I live in New Jersey. Where we are very unchurched. There are bad straight people as well as gay people. But as I was saying. Its hard to want to feel spiritual when Jesus tells you that you are a sinner and he's the only one who is perfect. Sure I've gotten angry at people and have had thoughts of lust. But I try so hard to remain pure and do what the bible says. Despite the persecution I have felt. Its hard to want to stay pure when no one really supports that any more. I had a girlfriend who was my rock. But we parted ways a while ago.

I thought I wanted to be a writer. But although I try to be spiritual. I am known more for my looks and losing 64 lbs. And even though I was able to be happy and healthy about my weight loss through meditation and exercise, I am still tempted even more than ever.

Yet I have the pleasure of a Sicilian Grandmother who told me I'd have a lot of boyfriends. Yet basically, I wanted to wait till marriage because I wondered what kind of man would want to marry me if I was a "dirty girl" and was promiscuous. While I have still had heart ache, I managed to squirm out of relationships that wanted to go too fast without too much regret.

And even though I didn't really do anything to receive great looks but be born with them and try to reduce stressors and exercise and eat less sugar, Anyone can look better if they simply relax and be kind to themselves. I am good friends with C. who is very nice to me. And even though he couldn't ask me out because he worked at the gym, I still enjoy his company. And I'm not really sure if he wants to date me, I'm just going to have to spell it out for him if he expects me to compromise my vow. Because I'd rather get him to lose interest in me than get God really angry at me. And I think I've had enough torment for a few life times.

Some people even accused me of being close minded. I don't know, maybe a little. But I think family is very important to me. More than running around on hot dates with strange men. And I really think if people cared more about their families than looking for their next fling to make them feel alive, society would be a lot better.