Ten 2009 New Year Resolutions for MySpace Users

New Year's resolutions are a good opportunity to make a change. I put together the following list of resolutions for MySpace Users.

MySpace Users New Year's Resolution #1: Get off MySpace

It's very tempting to think of MySpace as your own little world, where you are cooler than you are in real life. However, it's not healthy to focus your entire social life on the Internet. At least go to the grocery store once in a while and strike up a conversation in the produce aisle. On your way, should you see a giant flaming ball in the sky, don't panic! That is called "The Sun" and, in moderation, it can be good for you - it helps with the production of vitamin K.

MySpace Users New Year's Resolution #2: Don't get Married on MySpace

Although you spend all hours of the day talking to your favorite person on MySpace, you still don't know them. At least meet in person and go on a few dates before you decide to get married. Even then, consider having a real wedding, not a MySpace wedding. Also, if you met your spouse on MySpace, contrary to what you may believe, you are never sure that they are the sex that you want to be married to unless you see them in person. And probably naked.

MySpace Users New Year's Resolution #3: Keep your clothes on

This runs the opposite if the advice given in item #2, but that is a special case. Don't post pictures or videos of yourself naked, or doing stupid things while drunk, or any other incriminating material on your MySpace page. It may seem cute now, but you will regret it later. Stuff like that has a long half life, even if you delete it when you come to your senses.

MySpace Users New Year's Resolution #4: Don't use MySpace as a resume

You might think it is a good idea to refer potential employers to your MySpace page to let them get to know more about you. However, it is, in large part, a juvenile site. This does not look professional-and one of your friends will choose this moment to put up some embarrassing picture of themselves doing something drunk as their profile picture and your potential employer will wonder about the friends you keep.

MySpace Users New Year's Resolution #5: Don't spend all your time here

This goes hand in hand with item #1. Go outside. Buy a Frisbee. Go to the dog park. There are so many ways to spruce up your MySpace page, adding cool things to it or searching for like-minded people. However, you have housework, homework, work work and many other things to do. Step away from the computer.

MySpace Users New Year's Resolution #6: Try Facebook instead

Facebook is a lot more fun than MySpace, in my opinion. Of course, then you will be in danger of failing on resolution number five.

MySpace Users New Year's Resolution #7: Be careful what you put in your blog

We used to write all of our secret thoughts in diaries and put them under our mattresses for safe keeping. Now, we keep a blog. Even if you keep your MySpace page anonymous, be careful what you put in your blog-you will eventually slip in some incriminating details, and someone will figure you out and your rants about how stupid your boss are will find their way to his desk on the day he's writing your performance evaluation.

MySpace Users New Year's Resolution #8: Avoid creepy, perverted old guys

Sadly, there are still a lot of creepy, perverted old guys trolling MySpace looking for unsuspecting young girls. I know - I married one. Even if he says he's a thirteen-year-old girl who likes anime and bunnies, that does not mean it is true. No matter how well you get to know your "friends" on MySpace, don't give them too many personal details about yourself. Especially don't send them naked pictures or videos of you doing embarrassing things while drunk.

MySpace Users New Year's Resolution #9: Don't revert to your high school self

When you find all your old buddies on MySpace and start talking to them again, you might find yourself reverting to who you were in high school. Your spouse will probably not appreciate it if you take up mailbox baseball again or going out and getting drunk every night with your old high school buddies.

MySpace Users New Year's Resolution #10: Don't revisit old crushes

Most of us had at least one person in high school on whom we had a ridiculous crush that went on for years. Don't go look them up on MySpace and start it up all over again. It's not healthy, their spouse won't appreciate it and neither will yours. Either that, or you will find that she weighs 350 lbs. now, and has more facial hair than you do, which will make you look in the mirror, and . . . suffice to say that it may be a slippery slope that you don't want to start descending.

So, there you have it, my 10 New Year's Resolutions for MySpace Users. Happy New Year!