Ten Advantages of Being a Bachelor

Warning to women: Don't let your husband/live-in boyfriend read this!

Advantage of being a bachelor number one: gawk at beautiful women

A bachelor has no one to slap, kick, punch, pinch or chew him out if he looks at a beautiful woman with his tongue hanging out.

Advantage of being a bachelor number two: spend money foolishly

A bachelor has no one to tell him he can't buy that Dodge Viper, Chevy Corvette, Ford Shelby or Chrysler Crossfire. The only person who can stop a bachelor from spending money foolishly is the loan officer.

Advantage of being a bachelor number three: live like a pig

No one will tell a bachelor to get his feet off the coffee table or put his dirty dishes in the sink or even to wash them or take the garbage out or to take a shower and change his smelly clothes.

Advantage of being a bachelor number four: snore loud enough to blow the windows out

There is no one to knee a bachelor in the midsection causing a rude awakening because he is snoring too loudly.

Advantage of being a bachelor number five: control of the TV remote

A bachelor doesn't have to listen to any complaining about not watching a TV station long enough to see what is on that station. He can click that baby all he wants. And no need to watch any "chick flicks" to please anyone.

Advantage of being a bachelor number six: no expensive unnecessary doctor visits

If a bachelor gets a little cut (his finger sliced half off) or feels a little sick (thinks he's going to die before morning), he can make up his own mind whether he wants to spend his hard earned money on a doctor's visit.

Advantage of being a bachelor number seven: let the grass grow

A bachelor can mow the lawn when the mood moves him without someone nagging about it. The grass can be knee deep if that is how tall it gets before he mows it.

Advantage of being a bachelor number eight: no nagging

A bachelor doesn't have to listen to any nagging (except maybe from his mother).

Advantage of being a bachelor number nine: watch all the sports he wants

A bachelor can watch every game there is on TV. He can even buy multiple TVs so he can watch more than one game at a time. (See advantage number two.)

Advantage of being a bachelor number ten: wild parties

A bachelor can throw as many wild parties as he wants no matter how sloppy the party guests are. There's no one to chew him out for letting his guest be royal pigs.

A final bonus

A bachelor gets to die younger than his married friends. It is proven married men live longer than bachelors. So bachelors, live it up while you are still alive!