Ten Best Quotes from a Christmas Story

It's one of those guilty pleasure sort of things. Everybody talks about how Ted Turner drove A Christmas Story into the ground by airing it non-stop during the holiday season, but we all secretly have to watch it at least once a year to see little Ralphie shoot his eye out.

So with that in mind, I'm sure we all have our favorite quotes from A Christmas Story. Here are ten of my own.

"Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window." - Ralphie (Peter Billingsley)

Who can forget the infamous lamp that Ralphie's father won? The fishnet covered leg lamp is now sold in stores all over the country at this time of year, and I'll be honest, I've almost bought one myself.

"Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl." Ralphie (Peter Billingsley)

For me, it was never a bunny-eared pair of footie pajamas, but I had a great-grandmother that held this thought that I would someday appear on the child edition of Jeopardy. With that in mind, she would always get my brother and I the Time-Life Book collections hoping to fill our heads with the useless information that would give us a chance to make it.

"Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master. But, I chickened out and said the first name that came to mind." - Ralphie (Peter Billingsley)

I can still remember the first day I got caught cursing by my parents, and just like Ralphie, I threw out the first name I could to get myself off the chopping block. It was to no avail though, as my mouth still got washed out with soap, like it was going to clean the sin away.

"All right, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screw driver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in." - Mr. Parker (Darren McGavin)

As a father of rather picky eaters, I can concur with Ralphie's father here, because sometimes there is nothing I'd rather due than force the food down their throats, but we were there too, and it never helped me to eat vegetables.

"With as much dignity as he could muster, the Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered major award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of "Taps" being played, gently." - Ralphie (Peter Billingsley)

I love this quote, if for nothing else but the absurdity of Mr. Parker's obsession with that hideous lamp.

"Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it's zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters decend upon us." - Ralphie (Peter Billingsley)

Putting this together, I never realized just how verbose the quotations were from this film. This quote is a great illustration of how the child eventually becomes the parent. Ralphie and all his eternal optimism as a youth eventually devolve into his father's pessimism when he narrates these memories.

"Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!" - Ralph (Peter Billingsley)

Yeah, we all know THAT word!

"It's a beautiful duck. It really is. But you see, it's smiling at me." - Mr. Parker (Darren McGavin)

The Christmas dinner in the Chinese restaurant is priceless in this film. The version of Deck the Halls deserves its own mention, but I held that one back.

"Listen, jerk! When I tell you to come, you better come! What? Are you gonna cry now? Cry, cry for me crybaby! Cry!" - Scut Farkus (Zack Ward)

We all had a Scut Farkus in our lives, either that or we were Scut Farkus. Eventually, that kid went away and ended up in shop class, or we went down Ralphie's road and took our lives back. Still, he serves an important role in this film that creates the threshold Ralphie crosses from childhood to manhood.

"You'll shoot your eye out kid!" - Just about everyone other than Ralphie

I had to end it with this quote because let's face it, it is the whole reason we watch the movie in the first place, and the one thing we take away from it year in and year out.

Sources:

Peter Billingsley, IMDB.com

Darren McGavin, IMDB.com

Memorable Quotes - A Christmas Story, IMDB.com

A Christmas Story Movie Quotes, RetroJunk.com

A Christmas Story, WikiQuote.orgZack Ward, IMDB.com