Ten Craptastic MySpace Applications

10. Amanda Seyfried Dress Up
Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but I think the game character should look a bit like the celebrity it's supposed to represent. She looks more like Courtney Thorne-Smith than Amanda Seyfried. Hell, she looks more like Meredith Baxter Birney than Amanda Seyfried. She looks like a woman with two last names, okay?

9. Tiger Burger
I'm not even going to bother wondering why Tiger Woods would be working a McJob, or how the appearance of his wife would make him temporarily unable to sling fries. Moving on. If you're going to write the game's instructions in English, you should know that "cabaret" and "fast food tray" are not synonymous. Also, the screen moves around haphazardly making it impossible to click on the items and then on the "cabaret" in time to serve the customer. Lastly, Tiger Woods jokes have officially jumped the shark. They've not only jumped it, they've jumped it, been eaten by it, been excreted by it and gone back in time to the 70s to become the zombie in the Fulci movie that's fighting the shark in order to collect shark teeth in anticipation of the shark tooth necklace fad of the 80s.

8. Are You An Idiot?
If you have to ask.....

7. Vampires, Gang Wars, Dragon Wars, Fashion Wars etc.
We already have a Mafia Wars which we enjoy very much. We do not need an infinite number of games that are played exactly the same way. I admit that the development of apps that allow the player to level up/get certain privileges based on the number of friends playing the same game was genius because it convinced us all to spam our friends, making it unnecessary for the developers to spend time and energy doing their own spamming. But you really should know that those of us who play game apps are now adding people we don't actually know or interact with just to have more "friends" playing the game and therefore eliminating the need to spam. Also, our real friends who don't play games are dropping us for spamming. So just run along and stop making the same game over and over again with different names, kthxbye.

6. What My Friends Think About Me
I have a bunch of people on my list who I don't really know, so why do I care if they think I would be a good kisser if we ever actually met?

5. Slot machine games
Where is the fun in a game based totally on chance in which you don't win anything but a few pixels? I can sit here and click my mouse over and over for no reason without installing your app.

4. Xbox Party Mansion
Even if I accept the fact that the mansion in which I've been partying all night has only five rooms, how does finding a list of hidden objects help me locate my lost Xbox game? And why do I want to find the game if I don't get to play it? Oh well, at least the game didn't ask me to spam my friends.

3. Lil Green Patch
Why must you ask me to tend the gardens of people who don't actually play your game? And show me the proof that I am saving whatever arbitrary amount of rain forest square footage you attach to the awesome skills of taking pictures of toads or looking for rainbows.

2. Addicted to (insert TV show name here)
I can figure out a way to put pictures of stuff I like on my profile without using your app. This is just a way for lazy people to interact with the people they feel obligated to have on their friends list but don't actually want to talk to ("oooo, he sent me a picture of John Stamos's Full House mullet; he must want me back!")

1. Pet Society
This one really hurts. Is it so hard to catch up with Pet Society on Facebook? Over on Facebook, we are celebrating Valentine's Day. On MySpace's Pet Society, we are celebrating May Day 2009. Which one should I play?