Ten Kooky Commandments for Christian Workers

It's 4:43 p.m. You've raced across town and screeched over to your local library with two minutes to spare before closing time. That new much-ballyhooed bestseller you reserved ahead of time and have been itching to read sits directly behind the drive-up window's glass, where you wait...and wait...and wait...

Tough luck; the sole clerk decided to cut out of work early today. Hmmm...wonder if he was a Christian?

II Corinthians 3:2 says that as believers, we are walking letters that everybody reads. Plenty of people - including customers and coworkers - read our behavior closely to see if it mirrors our faith. Unfortunately, many times our actions contradict our beliefs.

At your job, are you sending out love letters signed by the Savior or hypocritical hate mail? Are your work habits above reproach or do you recline more than that red letter edition, King James Version, vinyl-bound Bible on your shelf?

Put yourself to the test with these hypothetical Ten Kooky Commandments for Christian Workers:

1. Thou shalt have no other nods before three...in the afternoon, with head in hands pretending to stare at a monitor; or snoozes before quitting time in your car - parked waaaaaaay out in the lot - besides those enjoyed during legally sanctioned breaks.

2. Thou shalt not make for thee any graven image (or cleverly-designed new logo) or any likeness of any thing that represents a brilliant start-up Christian stationery company you're developing during working hours at your day job.

3. Thou shalt not misuse the name of the LORD thine God by calling yourself a Christian and impressing colleagues with your wealth of Scriptural knowledge, while hoping no one sees you flirt with cute married colleagues of the opposite sex.

4. Remember the Supervisor and keep her wholly informed of your whereabouts - even fulfilling her inane requests to post "bathroom break" sticky notes about your workstation. Remember that you were slaves in unemployment land. Obey your earthly masters and keep the word "insubordination" far from their lips.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother that it may go well with thee that they'll never be forced to tell their friends you were fired for surfing porn sites.

6. Thou shalt not kill the better part of a boring workday by sneaking non-job related periodicals into bathroom stalls and reading them from cover to cover.

7. Neither shalt thou commit adultery with Miller Brewing Co. by selling Anheuser Busch's top corporate secrets to its competitor. Or cheat on your bread-and-butter Steak 'n Shake job by offering their milkshake recipe to Wendy's.

8. Neither shalt thou steal away to Red Lobster for a three hour, three martini lunch to allay your downsizing fears.

9. Neither shalt thou bear false witness to your real productivity by Googling the day away in search of a better job then hurriedly clicking over to another application when someone walks by.

10. Neither shalt thou desire thy neighboring office buddy's bigger workspace and six-digit salary, even though he may be an inept, unqualified nincompoop.

Heed these commands, pray, and you'll experience a far more effective workplace ministry than leading ten thousand lunchtime Bible studies. Work hard, be excellent, and know that your Master in heaven will promote you in due time.

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