Ten Laws that Should Be Passed by the Government

Since the government is on a mission to help us live better lives by banning things that are bad for us, I have a few suggestions. I think these would make us live happier and more successful lives.

There should be a law passed that says a person who wears too much of any fragrance should not be allowed to get on an elevator or into any room where several people are in close quarters. The determining degree of smell would be if said person can be detected coming or going from a distance by another person.

There should be a law passed that keeps people from talking in a movie theater where people have paid good money for a ticket and invested part of their retirement into a bucket of popcorn and a soft drink. The determining factor here is that if the person sitting in front of you can hear you, you're breaking the law.

There should be a law passed that people parking their car taking up two parking spaces by parking in the middle of the two is in violation. To help enforce this law, all cars would be allowed to carry a tool that will allow them to let the air out of the violator's car so when police patrol the area, the perpetrator can be apprehended. No puncture of tire would be allowed since vandalism is already covered.

There should be a law passed that people with small children who cannot be controlled in a public restaurant should be forced to leave the restaurant. Any person with a child who is crawling underneath the tables or hanging over the back of a booth bothering other patrons should have to pay for the injured party's dinner.

There should be a law passed that drivers in the passing lane of an interstate must either pass the car beside them or slow down and get behind the car instead of traveling miles at the same speed. People caught violating this law should only be allowed to drive riding lawn mowers on the shoulder of the highway.

There should be a law passed that says if a restaurant serves bacon, it should be cooked completely and not just waved by the fire. Nothing worse than stretchy bacon.

There should be a law passed that all store dressing room mirrors and lighting that make the consumer look good while trying on clothing should be accurate enough so that when the buyer gets the item home, it still looks good. If unable to obtain a reliable mirror, a warning label should be applied to each mirror in the dressing area. Also, clerks who insist something looks good on a potential buyer and all the time thinking they look like a refugee from the circus should be fined heavily.

There should be a law passed that states when stacking fruit in a grocery stand, said fruit should not be placed so that when one piece is removed, the entire display topples to the floor. A sign should be displayed prominently that warns the potential buyer of possible disaster.

There should be a law passed that prohibits practical jokes in any form or fashion upon an unsuspecting person. Violators of this law should be put in a public stocks in a downtown area with a sign above their head reading "Town Idiot."

Finally, there should be a law passed that states that anyone who stays up too late to have rational thoughts should not be entitled to use their computer and write such crazy articles as "Ten Laws That Should Be Passed By the Government."