Ten in One: 8-05:08 I'll Show You Mine, If You Show Me Your...Double Edged Sword

Demosthenes said, Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.

So, can I take a moment to be honest? I've found myself holding back, and I know I'm not alone. I find myself deceiving myself all the time.

For the sake of others, for their feelings, because we were taught that something isn't okay, because we have to go to work,because I said I would, because they might leave, because they might get mad, because I'm afraid..(insert other excuses here).

There are a lot of reasons that we lie to ourselves and each other about what we want, but it only kills us. It denies pure spirit from flowing through us to realization and stops us from realizing our dreams.

So, let's take some time to be honest with ourselves. I'll go first.

I want to be free of drama and energy hashing and people who have to dramatize and energy hash. I don't want to be angry or hold on to anything that makes me angry. I'd rather make funny faces or noises. I don't want to chit chat about things that don't mean anything to me. I love the human body - male and female,and get aroused by displays of beauty. I want to be wildly successful in ways that allow me to be a bigger blessing to others. I want to be beautiful-from the inside -out. I want to find myself sexy and be proud of myself. I want to believe in myself. I need sacred ritual time to myself to be okay. I want to be wildly in love with myself and everything around me. I want love to drip from every pore of my body and wash over anyone near me. I want friends of substance who are also beautiful people that incite me into orgasmic ecstacy with every word they speak. I want to see everyone break their chains and fly with me. I realize that the world is what I see, and I want to always clearly see the next step in my existence of absolute continuing bliss...and you know what? It's okay for me to want those things.

Now- the hard part:

I have been hurt in the past and hate to admit it. I get scared sometimes. I realize that I only hurt myself and hold myself back. That means it is my responsibility to change the environment I find myself in. I don't like feeling vulnerable. I have a problem with pride. Sometimes, I am not honest with myself or refuse to listen to the truth rippling outward from within. It is out of fear that I have not stepped through and followed my dreams more rapidly. I need others. I sometimes charm myself and place unfair expectations on others that match what I thought I saw in them, and get upset when they don't act like I seem to think they should. Sometimes I bury things and don't express how I feel. I'm very critical of myself sometimes. And you know what? It's okay to admit those things.

Now it's your turn. Can you be honest with yourself about what you want without feeling guilty? Can you be honest about the things you are responsible for that are holding you back from accepting your bliss? If not, time for some soul searching. Who is your God? What thought pattern is leading you: absolute and total acceptance or fear? Which one are you giving your power and adoration to? How have you shaped your God? The idea is to spill forth what you feel without judging yourself. As Albert Einstein said, Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.

Two: Coming Soon:

(current news with Divinity)

The band: Yay! Sunday was our first public performance together as Doomsday Lover. Me with the writings/vocals and Tony Minzenberger on guitair and backup vocals. Kato joined us on Bass. It was met with raves! Yipppie! Look for our first full public show end of August or early September.

Make some money! Salespeople wanted! I'm putting a huge city-wide promotion together and need some help from people who can sell spots in the promotion to local business owners. It should be an easy sell: I just need help to get it pulled off by November. This is on a commission basis and is a 20% commission., which is a nice hefty little commission per sell. It's going to be a lot of fun and does a good deed in the process: supporting local business and messages of sustainability!

Three: Rhyme and Reason:

There are so many movements!

God, so many movements!

It is so hard to be still:

So hard to hear my will.

I don't want to be a part of any movement.

The waves are swelling and crashing against each other and me.

I feel a storm at sea.

I just want to be.

May I be founded in rock as I watch the storms rage around me.

Four: Show must go on

(news from friends, entertainment/art opportunities)

Mark your calendars for September 5 when the luminescent ladies of love, the Troubadours of Divine Bliss, have scheduled their new CD release party at the Monkey Wrench!

A new art gallery a-coming: There's a new art gallery coming to Barret Ave near Lynn's Paradise Cafe! We may be switching the Speak Easy over to there. More later!

Don't forget, if you get me your news about the entertainment industry or opportunities, jobs, etc by Monday of each week, I can post them here for you. Also, I send out a featured website, musician and video each week.

Five: The Tightrope:

(a glimpse at the paths I currently find myself walking... )

My beloved friend Mindi is about to leave me and move across the country. She's shedding possessions left and right as she leaves it all behind and skips town with just a few suitcases. She said something this week that struck me deeply.

She had a ring full of keys and threw them down. "I've got all these damn keys and don't own a thing to open them with."

What have we accumulated that no longer means anything to us? What energetic keys are we holding onto that tie us to certain times in our lives that we no longer "own"? Go through your belongings. Okay, maybe start with an easier task: go through one drawer. How many things have found their way into our storehouses that tie us to the past? Everything evokes a memory or serves a purpose for us. What is it time to clean out and say good bye to? What thoughts are a particular item tied to that need to go away?

If you find yourself tortured with a certain theme, time in your life , or person, time to clean your house of anything that ties you to that. It's the same as holding onto something from someone you love who has passed. It is a key to them. What are you ready to let go of? What do you feel you need to still hold onto? At some point, you will become strong enough to realize all is within you, and you can open the doors without the keys. You don't need to hold on to anything.

Six: Sideshow Snippet:

(Snippets from journals )

What do I want in a lover? A divine mirror....and that is all of existence.

I want to be real and see myself clearly.

I have no fear of what is coming. It is what I've always wanted.

I am so grateful that I am a phoenix rising and that as much is crumbling all around me, I am untouched. For, I have already died. I have seen my armageddon - and once again, I look around with new eyes in wonder.

There's nothing wrong with the world unless there's something wrong with you.

You cut the veins that carried all of this within, and I let it all bleed out through my pen.

I am Life. This is my book...and now my book has been opened. May God have mercy on your souls.

Seven: Cool Web Site of the week:

Last week, I made a huge boo boo. I said that "Kim" from "I used to Be Cool" told me about the Bluegrass Festival. ACK! Her name is Shannon! Kim is the manager of Sustain Kids in Louisville. They had booths right next to each other at Forecastle, where I met Shannon. Please forgive me and check out Shannon's awesome business at

http://www.iusedtobecool.com

I gave one of her shirts to my surrogate niece, and her dad just absolutely loved me for it.

Check out her blog. She's got a great writing voice and it kept me smiling. It's definitely worthy of a good bookmark for whenever you need a little uplifting.

Eight: Ballyhoo!

Featured music of the week

The Troubadours of Divine Bliss have some new music up from the CD they're releasing next month! Enjoy!

http://www.myspace.com/troubadoursofdivinebliss

Nine: Magic Lantern!

It takes bravery to be honest.

Don't look at me that way! We all make honest mistakes!

Here's an Honest Mistake by the Bravery

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5fe6nZx6cw

Ten: Grand Finale:

When you see yourself reflected in everything around you...are you delighted and uplifted or are you tortured? Are you living in your heaven or hell? Are you scared or judging everything you see around you? Can you accept and embrace all around you? Do you have a problem with those you feel are leading things? Can you say you lead yourself or are you a slave to thought patterns you were unaware of? Do you serve your thoughts or do your thoughts serve you?

One of the things I've learned is that people at the top are usually there for a reason - for the services they provide to others or the services others believe they can provide. Thomas Jefferson said, "Go on deserving applause, and you will be sure to be met with it."

Remember as you work to refine and hone yourself and what you want that there really isn't a top. The top is an illusion of the physical realm. A pyramid unfolded becomes a circle. You're not moving up. You're moving inward - closer to center- closer to the source of the ripples of transformation. So, is your goal to get to the top or to be more of a source for yourself and others? Which method of motivation do you think will draw you closer to source? Remember...if you're honest about your desires, then it is much easier for others and yourself to give them to you.

I leave you with a quote from Pearl S. Buck:The truth is always exciting. Speak it, then. Life is dull without it.

What truth about yourself can you surprise and excite yourself with this week?

Dream well, dream deep and may all paths lead you back to the heart.

Love, Light and Blessings to send you through your dream,