Ten Places You Don't Want to See Santa

Santa is at the malls. Santa is at the parade. Seems like Santa gets around a lot. Here are ten places that you do not want to see Santa's appearance:

1. You do not want to see Santa at an adult film festival. Santa should keep the ho, ho, ho to himself.

2. You do not want to see Santa at a tanning parlor. A suntan for Santa would be too weird.

3. You do not want to see Santa at a massage parlor. Santa's back may be hurting, but he can take some aspirin to ease his pain.

4. You do not want to see Santa at a Tupperware Party. Santa's image would suffer greatly if he attended one of these affairs.

5. You do not want to see Santa at a factory that exploits children. Again, you bring good will and joy. Child labor does not represent good will and joy.

6. You do not want to see Santa sitting at a park bench drinking from a wine bottle. This is not the image of merry that we want to see.

7. You do not want to see Santa at a fitness center. Santa is not a fitness freak. He's fat and jolly.

8. You do not want to see Santa at a bachelor's party. Mrs. Claus would not approve. Too much risk of a scandal taking place.

9. You do not want to see Santa at a funeral parlor. Saying ho, ho, ho during the middle of a funeral is just plain awkward and in bad taste.

10. You do not want to see Santa at a boat convention. Santa and boats do not mix. Stick with the reindeer and sleigh please.