Ten Reasons to Begin Watching Pro Wrestling

They don't have fantasy figure skating
Wrestling fans have a show to watch that is so dynamic that it inspires them to be creative around it. Your basic comic book guys, when they aren't fixing someone's computer, are making up matches and writing stories.

Jeff Hardy
A raver/wrestler? With eyeliner? I can't see this guy getting his own brand of cereal.

The stories/angles
As I write this, I'm watching John Cena insult the packages of Shawn Michaels, Edge and Randy Orton. Jonathan Coachman is dooming Cena to fight Orton and Edge, who are feuding, at the same time. Now Mick Foley is telling Coachman the biggest decision of the night goes to a Make-A-Wish kid named Michael Pena. It's a lot like a Celtic brag or something out of Beowulf. Although the plot is simple, it's fun to watch it unfold.

The domination by WWE
Why? Because all the tapes of all the promotions the Mc Mahons ever bought are now available on DVD.

J.B.L. and Michael Cole on Friday Night Smackdown
J.B.L. is so over the top rude to Cole. Whatever Cole says, J.B.L. disagrees vehemently and blames it on Cole's intelligence or morals. It never gets old.

C.M. Punk
A straight edge with a huge tattoo of the Pepsi logo on his arm? Pepsi has caffeine.

The guys you love to hate
Everyone loves to live vicariously through a villain. Edge stands outside the ring, smiling and scheming and gets booed and applauded. The fans lovingly tell King Booker how much he sucks, and he wears the heat like a velvet robe. It's a soap opera for guys. You can figure out the outcome of the match, but a feud could pop up anywhere. You never know when somebody's gonna powerbomb somebody's mama. Accidentally.

Grown men doing back flips
Wouldn't gymnastics be more interesting if they smacked each other once in a while? I haven't seen six foot guys flying through the air like this since the public pool in the eighties. And I found it amusing then. Now they're doing it without water and it looks like it hurts.

Because it's fake
Face it; people don't sit around watching martial arts competitions. They watch kung fu movies where people walk on treetops. They're also not going to watch two 150 pound men in headgear hold each other in a headlock until one of them says uncle. People want fireworks, sound effects, costumes, beautiful women, rock n roll music, and real stunts. The guy falling off the ladder isn't on wires. Yes, the anger is often acting. The outcome of the fight is fixed. The hair is bleached and the breasts are bought. But the pain and the blood, the punches and the falls are as real as the remote in your hand.

The unspoken rules of wrestling
The best part of being a new wrestling fan is figuring out the archetypes. If cash goes into the ring, it's getting thrown into the crowd. If Santa appears, he's getting his ass kicked. If anyone gets a bouquet of roses, they are getting smashed over someone else's head. And whatever the announcer says over and over is the opposite of what is going to happen.