Ten Reasons to Vote for John McCain
If that sounds like something you would say, here is a list of ten reasons to vote for John McCain that may change your mind.
He is a man
After more than two centuries of outstanding masculine leadership, let's not be having any ladies running the show. Women should be doing what they do best: babies and meatloaf. It's true that Barack Obama is a man, but he struggled to barely get past Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination. What kind of a man nearly gets pasted by a chick? In the Republican primaries, John McCain went up against a steaming pile of manliness oozing with testosterone and kicked all of their asses. Now that's a man!
He is white
It is important to remember that the rich, powerful, white men who built this great country were slave-owners. And it is doubtful that any of these fine gentlemen would have envisioned their nation--founded on the principal that all rich, powerful, white men are created equal--ever being run by inferiors better suited for picking cotton, slam-dunking basketballs and speaking in rhyme. And McCain's hair is white too!
He wears a flag lapel pin
When I see a candidate without a flag pin on his or her clothes, I get confused because I am not sure which country that individual is from. It's like watching a football game and one of the players is wearing a plain, white t-shirt. What team is he on? Likewise, how do we know Barack Obama is from the United States if he doesn't wear an American flag pin? There is no doubt which team John McCain plays for, and his pin could also serve a practical purpose. If an aging President McCain were to ever forget what it is he is president of, he could simply take a glance down at his lapel.
He is a Christian
The last thing this country needs is a fist-bumping Muslim extremist with a middle name of Hussein telling us he believes in Jesus Christ. We know better than that! John McCain doesn't have to lie about his religious background--he is the real deal with a good Christian middle name. You can be sure that there are no terrorists named Sidney.
He is old and forgetful
Ronald Reagan made a damn good career out of being old and forgetful. Nobody was gonna pin his ass down regarding the Iran-Contra affair. He couldn't recall his wife's name, let alone remember any stupid, old memos that may have passed through his office. If McCain can play the "Ain't it cute when Grandpa forgets things?" card as expertly as the Gipper did, he too may eventually be granted sainthood by the Church of Revisionist History.
He recognizes when it's time to make improvements
Tired of the same old broken down wife he had married back in 1965, McCain traded her in for a newer model. He divorced Carol in 1980; the same year he married his second wife Cindy, who is 17 years younger than the first Mrs. McCain. This is the kind of progressive thinking we have long needed in the White House.
His wife Cindy is blond and pretty
Pretty blonds are as American as apple pie and we particularly like them if they are rather dim. Lovely face, nice smile, not much going on in the old noggin--Paris Hilton would make a great First Lady. We just don't want any more of that Hillary Clinton crap!
He has the backing of President Bush
You have to feel kind of sorry for a guy trying to win an election with the endorsement of a man with an approval rating made up primarily of his own family members. It's kind of like using your drunken brother-in-law as a reference on that big job application. Talk about an uphill battle! The point is, McCain's gonna need all the help he can get. So how about poppin' out a chad or two for the old guy?
His name ain't Jeb
We've had 12 years of Bushes, and ain't that been a barrel of laughs? With the governor of Florida waiting in the wings, it's just a matter of time before he is foisted upon American voters by the Republican Party. And who the hell wants a president named Jeb? So let's just appreciate the fact that the White House will be a Bush-free zone for at least the next four years. If that's not reason enough for you, here's another: His name ain't Mitt.
He is from Arizona
Arizona is warm... That's all I got.
Published by Frank Mucci
A Pulitzer Prize-winning author and People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive for 2010, Frank likes to make up crap about himself. He will be honored later this year with the Nobel Prize for Literature. View profile
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10 Comments
Post a CommentI do not want a black president..John McCain should be president he will cut taxessssssssssssssssssss
OK THAT WAS NOT IMPORTANT! VOTE FOR HIM BECAUSE HE IS WHITE! LOL WHITE MEN RUNNING THIS COUNTRY HAS NOT BROUGHT US ANYWHERE EXCEPT FOR BILL CLINTON! YES THE WHITE MAN MIGHT HAVE BEEN RICH AND SLAVE OWNERS BUT IF YOU DID YOUR RESEARCH THEY WERE ALSO DUMB AS HELL! AFRICAN AMERICANS (BLACK) JUST DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE TO CLAIM INVENTIONS! SO ASK YOUR SELF AGAIN YOU MAY THINK ITS A WHITE MANS WORLD BUT IT WAS MADE BY A BLACK MAN
OH YEAH FROM A WHITE WOMAN
very clever, please come up with some things that are actually funny. DVR some episodes of Real Time or something because you need some help.
Top Reasons to vote for Obama:
1: He is an african american:
If that isnt a good enough reason in itself, after all the "white man" has done to this countries african americans the least people should do is vote black against white...its only fair.
2: He is going to Change things
If the fact that he is black wasnt enough, Obama is going to change Washington. We need change and this is what Obama stands for . How is he going to do that, well dont worry too much about that, just remember that the key word is change.....keep saying it over and over to yourself or listen to Obama say it over an over. Soon you wont even care how he's going to change things.
3: He is a great speaker
Damn that brother can talk. He is smooth. This country needs I man that can speak well. Forget about the details of his idea
Ah, the beauty of wit!
Great stuff, loved it!!!!
LMAO good one!
Good stuff!
Yep...McCain represents just about everything which has brought America to the edge of Her current cliff. I love dark comedy;)
Actually, Frank, this is quite inventive and funny. I like humor during an election where there is really no candidate who should become President! Remember, though, a certain amount of wisdom does come with age...if we can remember what it is we were wise about!!! I wouldn't mind a female president either, altho' I'm sure you and I wouldn't agree on which female it should be. Thanks for the LOL.
Interesting....