Ten Reasons Why You Should Not Buy Clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch

Let's cut right to the chase. Here are the Top 10 reasons why you should not buy clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch. Some of the reasons have to do with the clothes themselves. Others have to do with the culture surrounding the clothes, a culture defined by being super-thin, super-shallow and super-snooty. Here goes:

10. The clothes are way overpriced. $70 for a pair of jeans? $68 for a basic button-down shirt? $88 for a sweater? Come on. I mean I know some brands charge several hundreds of dollars for their clothes, but they're marketing to wealthy adults, not 16-year-olds who work at CVS. And the prices wouldn't be so bad except...

9. The quality of the clothing, and specifically the jeans, is highly questionable. I bought two pairs of jeans from Abercrombie about two years ago, before I wised up. Usually I spend between $30 and $40 on a pair of jeans at other stores and they last me until I get sick of them and throw them out.

I spent $60 each on these two pairs and within one year they were both full of holes and unwearable. Patches to cover the holes would have been pointless. The holes were huge. And there was no reason for them. I hadn't worn the jeans more often than any others. Probably less, actually. And I hadn't been playing rugby in them, so there was no unusual wear and tear.

It just came down to poor quality. Maybe that's the point, though. Maybe they want you to end up in really holy jeans so you can walk around half-naked, like most of the models in their ads. Which leads me to my next reason not to buy clothes at Abercrombie...

8. Have you seen the Abercrombie ads? In the store, in magazines, and in their own, now-defunct-because-it-was-too-racy magazine/catalog, A&F Quarterly? One word: softporn. And do you really want to be subjected to softporn when you go to buy a T-shirt?

7. The clothing is created for waifs. Case in point, every time I've tried on something in the size I usually wear, it's been two sizes too small. I believe this is a thinly veiled tactic to make me choose a much larger size than normal, thereby trying to make me feel fat, thereby trying to make me strive to achieve Abercrombie's standard of beauty, which apparently happens to fall somewhere in the range of 94 pounds. But I like being an average-sized girl that wears a 6 or an 8 in any other store. So bye, bye Abercrombie.

6. The store is like a nightclub that forgot to turn off its lights and just happens to be full of clothes. Every time I walk in (which now is basically never) I feel like I need earplugs and I have the urge to search for my ID and stick my right arm out so someone can slap a bracelet on it. Yes, Abercrombie, I understand you're trying to be hip, but is it absolutely necessary to blast cheesy dance music from your store so loudly i can't hear myself think? My advice to shoppers is save your hearing and get your knit tops somewhere else.

5. The jeans at Abercrombie have names. Names like "Madison" "Emma" "Erin" "Cameron" and "Brianna." I don't know what scares me more. The fact that they name their jeans, or the names themselves.

4. Abercrombie associates are currently referred to as "models." That scares me as well.

3. Each store is spritzed hourly with men's cologne in order to ensure a "pleasant sensory experience." Still scared.

2. You can get better-fitting, better quality, less expensive clothes at plenty of stores that don't feature softporn and cologne spritzing including American Eagle, Weathervane (they used to have great jeans, until they changed their lineup; hopefully they'll bring them back) and Express just to name a few. Express jeans in particular are excellent quality and usually cheaper than Abercrombie's. Even if they're not, they'll last a lot longer. Also, at these other stores you won't find thong underwear for pre-teens with slogans like "Eye Candy" and "Wink Wink" like you would have at Abercrombie, before they were pulled from the shelves.

1. OK, OK, if you really must have a piece of Abercrombie, go to Hollister instead. Abercrombie owns the company, and it's way cheaper.