Ten Resolutions for Russell T. Davies for 2009

My friends and I owe an awful lot to Russell T. Davies. Or, rather, we might if it weren't for the slightly insane amount of money some of us (myself included) have spent on things like Doctor Who and Torchwood DVDs, merchandise, magazines, audiobooks, and so on. Come to think of it, I've probably single-handedly bought the man a dinner or two. It's something that five or ten years ago might have been an embarrassing admission, but if there's one thing that the new Doctor Who and its spinoffs have contributed to, it's an increase in the acceptability of bizarre, fannish behavior in the face of modern science fiction. Surely it's my duty as an avid fan of his work to give something back.

Therefore, with respect and apologies to the man himself, I submit ten possible New Year's resolutions for him to consider for 2009. Special attention should go to #8, particularly in light of certain things which may have occurred on the radio of late. In any case, I regret that I have only one meager income to give to the cause.

10. Be Devious

Alright, so your British audience (and, let's face it, a good deal of your technologically savvy international audience) have seen the latest Doctor Who Christmas special, and cheered the return of a familiar set of baddies. David Tennant fans had a good laugh at seeing him alongside David Morrissey again, and since Tennant's announcement that he intends to leave after this year's batch of specials, the title "The Next Doctor" was delightfully perverse. In short, your fans know a hell of a lot more than you usually tell us at this stage in the game, and that's disorienting as hell. It's also no excuse to stop gleefully throwing us off the scent. Honestly, there are few greater joys in my life than shouting "Crazy Uncle Rusty, you clever bugger!" at the top of my lungs when you do something clever, horrible, or unexpected. You've got all of 2009 to drive us all into a frothing, rabid frenzy. Make the most of it.

9. Let Zygons Be Zygons

I know it's a little late to ask, and that a year composed entirely of specials isn't the best time to come begging, but I think it goes without saying that if you've got the chance to pull off some magical, unresolved, wonderful classic Doctor Who thing, the masses will go nuts. Yes, I know you're the guy who's already going to go down in sci-fi history as the guy who made Doctor Who respectable and wildly popular again (as well as something Americans are actually aware of), but a couple of Ice Warriors or Silurains might be the handful of edible ball bearings to top off that cupcake.

8. Keep Up the Fan Service

There's a line from your book about why you keep giving Gareth David-Lloyd clever lines. While I won't repeat it here, I don't think I have to tell you how many fanboys and fangirls are grateful for your efforts. For all the times we've heard the Torchwood cast say in interviews that they'd happily get their kit off, you've been woefully ineffective in making the magic happen. I mean, come on. It takes a massive planetary conjunction to keep Barrowman's kit on. And yet, maybe it's the tease that keeps us coming back. What I'm trying to say is that it's not going to hurt anything if your post-watershed spin-off gives us a few asses that aren't Kai Owen's. Oh, and pay James Moran to do another round of BBC America's Captain's Logs. Those things were brilliant.

7. Don't Forget Your Roots

I'm going to come out and say that I'm probably one of six people in the whole United States who's seen Mine all Mine, and maybe one of a minority who actually watched the UK version of Queer as Folk because it had your name on it. While admittedly I picked up Casanova so I could stare at David Tennant, I watched The Second Coming entirely for the premise (and even endured Netflix having to send me a second copy of the disc because the first one they sent me was scratched). You may be finishing up your tenure with Doctor Who, but there are some of us who've come to associate your name with the sort of television that raises eyebrows, and helps keep LGBTQ people in the public eye. Both of those things are sorely needed, I think.

6. Sort Out Whatever It Is About You And Your Characters' Mothers, Already

I can't count the number of times this has come up in fan reviews and discussions. It's one of the topics we amused ourselves with in line at a convention, and it's on the verge of becoming a drinking game topic here at my house. You never, ever seem to write a functional mother/child relationship. For that matter, a surprising number of your minor female characters seem a little deranged. I know this is drama, and that happy relationships are sort of the enemy of drama, but we're sensing a pattern, man. Surprise us.

5. Promise Us That Any Musical Episode Will Be Worth It

Barrowman wants it. Tennant keeps talking about it. Naoko Mori's mentioned it. Me, I spend more time than is healthy worrying about it. Yeah, Joss Whedon has pulled it off twice (once with Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and once with Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog), but if you do it, you'd better do it right. That's all I'm going to say about that.

4. Keep No Secrets

Well, okay. Keep secrets. Just be sure to tell Moffat everything before you go. Write it down, even. I mean, sure, there's no doubt in my mind that you'll do that, but I've heard enough people wonder aloud if Doctor Who/Torchwood/Sarah Jane have a show bible outside of your head that I occasionally worry about what could happen if you happened to be run over by a bus or struck by ligtning sometime before or during the hand-off. I mean, okay, it's entirely possible that passing on the Doctor Who showrunner mantle involves some kind of eldritch ritual, and that secrecy is so critical that leaving a big book of Who future is a little suicidal, but your continuity crew can only do so much.

3. Scale It Down A Little, Yeah?

You keep delivering bigger and bigger finishes. Daleks v. Cybermen talking trash on Torchwood's property is bigger than a regeneration. The Master taking over the world is bigger than Daleks v. Cybermen. Davros literally stealing the planet from under the noses of the collective casts of all three shows is bigger than the John Simm dancing around to the Scissor Sisters. And while I've got no doubt that your big payoffs in 2009 on Doctor Who and Torchwood are going to be epic, even science-fiction requires a little bit of continuity and plausibility. You can only use the giant reset button so many times before your audience catches on. That being said, if Ten really does have a fatal accident involving a brick, I'm sending you my hospital bill.

2. Keep Us Interested

2009 is going to be a rough year for some of us fans. Four Doctor Who specials and five episodes of Torchwood? Ouch. Yeah, okay, part of it is Tennant's schedule, and part of it is money, but it took over a year for the second series of Torchwood to hit our screens. The fan base is anxious and voracious. While it's certainly got me buying and reading the books more than I ever anticipated I would, I've only got so much shelf space. Also, isn't Ianto standing naked in an enemy installation with a clip board (as happens in Pack Animals) the sort of thing that could be better delivered in video than print? (See Also: #8) All I'm saying is that those rumors about a full fourth season of Torchwood in 2010 are already kind of exciting in the face of 2009's relative famine.

1. Use Your Clout

Your name's got the letters OBE next to it. You've got more than one wildly successful series to your name. You've written an extended gag about how Hello Dolly would be a fair bit different in Welsh. Use it. Knock on the right doors, ring the right people, and keep this sucker alive. You don't have to be the ghost in the corridors writing Doctor Who to keep the Whoniverse fresh and vital. It's something us fans don't have a whole lot of control over, but you've been there at the helm since 2005. Really, as long as you don't shoot the midshipman and drop your shields in the middle of a meteor shower, you'll probably...actually, maybe that's not the best example. You know what I mean, though. Much as we might complain about plot holes and continuity and choices we wouldn't have made if we were behind the wheel, most of us are grateful for what you do. Keep it up. Roll on 2009.