Ten Signs You May Be a "Kitchen Nightmares" Candidate

Top chef Gordon Ramsay is back in the US, this time with a reality TV show based on the British hit Kitchen Nightmares. Sporting the same name and theme as its earlier counterpart, this show takes Ramsay to failing restaurants across America in an attempt to diagnose the problems and turn around these businesses facing bankruptcy. The program's behind-the-scenes angle shows why these restaurant owners are in such hot water -- poor management, uninviting atmosphere, dirty kitchens, and indifferent chefs threaten the future of their investments. Add a good dose of drama and Ramsay has all the ingredients for another hit show.

The conditions in these kitchens and dining rooms are both appalling, and (to the viewer) at times hilarious. As restauranteurs across the country follow Gordon's step-by-step restaurant recovery program, here are thetop ten signs that your business may be a good candidate for a visit from Kitchen Nightmares, based on actual former show participants:

10. Before dinner service, you go buy all your food from the Mega Mart.

9. Your restaurant is in New York, and your cook thinks he's in New Jersey.

8. Your floor manager sends out more text messages per night than actual dinner orders.

7. You have four managers, three head chefs, two owners, and none of them show up in time for service.

6. Neither you nor your customer knows whether the substance in that meat patty is pork, beef, or lamb.

5. Biologists discover a new species of mold growing on your vegetables. (Ok, this did not actually happen in the show, but it could)

4. By the time your customers finish swatting the flies off their plate, their food is cold.

3. None of your staff dare enter the basement.

2. The freshest thing in your cold storage is the dead rat in the corner.

1. World-famous chef Gordon Ramsay dines at your restaurant, and you serve him the remains of a rotten tomato.

For all the restaurant patrons out there who are wondering, "How do I, Joe Consumer, avoid dining in a place that should have been closed by the Health Department (or CDC) years ago?", here are the Top Five Signs You May Be Dining in a Kitchen Nightmare:

5. The wait staff begins apologizing before you have even ordered.

4. The hostess shouts out excitedly at your arrival, "A customer! A customer!"

3. Patrons exiting the building wish you luck as you enter.

2. A Fox camera crew is standing by the buffet, and none of them will touch the free food.

1. Gordon Ramsay shows up in a biohazard suit.