Ten Sports that Aren't or Shouldn't Be

The debate has raged for generations among sports fans who have exhausted all other meaningful conversation. The two sides of the argument are populated mostly by fans of the "big four" sports - baseball, football, basketball, and hockey - in one corner, and those more inclined to include an assortment of other competition-oriented activities as sports in the other. The latter will usually include golfers, those who ardently follow golf, and, because of the burgeoning popularity of NASCAR, those who support automobile racing. In recent years, this camp has been buoyed by the significant prowess and utter domination of Tiger Woods, who seems to fit the profile of an athlete more so than golf champions of the past.

So what characterizes a competition as a sport? Perhaps, only a process of elimination can help resolve the issue, as the following conversation suggests, a composite discussion gleaned from overheard debates through the years at the local waterhole and all other venues where sports is dissected.

Dave: "You've got to consider golf a sport. Historically, it's been defined as sport. As a matter of fact, it predates many of the sports we watch today. You can't argue that it's a magnificent combination of skill, power, and strategy."

Bob: "Any competition in which the major exertion of the participant can be charitably defined as ambling cannot be a sport. Also, keep in mind, many who play golf recreationally actually drive a vehicle between bursts of action so as not to get too winded."

Dave: "So then, what identifies an activity as a sport?"

Bob: "Let's distinguish what isn't a sport first. Any competition in which you don't have to compel yourself to maximum speed at some point can't be a sport."

Dave: "By those standards, you'd have to agree that car racing and horse racing are sports."

Bob: "Well, no I don't. In those examples, it's the car and the horse that are reaching the maximum speed. The driver and the jockey are commanding them, yes, but beyond that, there's no movement on their part. I'm sure, if the horse and the Ford could express an opinion, they'd agree with you, but this is not feasible."

Dave: "So strategy plays no part in your definition of an activity as sport?"

Bob: "Strategy plays a part in the competition...but that doesn't classify the activity as a sport. Chess demands strategy, but there isn't less movement anywhere on earth than in a chess match, with the exception of the general malaise of inanimate objects. Poker demands strategy, I suppose, and ESPN televises it. But you certainly wouldn't call battling your way to a full house, aces high, a sport."

Dave: "By your description then, one of the greatest international sports spectacles of all, the Olympics, would be relegated to casual competition."

Bob: "Regrettably, yes. Find a real sport in the Olympics. Consider curling a sport? Gently sliding a rock from one place to another while others sweep vigorously? Gymnastics and figure skating can't be sports. Any activity in which tights is the uniform, and the judging of your performance by others not participating is required to determine a winner, can't be labeled a sport. There are a few, of course...swimming, track, speed skating, skiing, etc."

Dave: "Wait a minute. Much like NASCAR, aren't the skis and the hill doing the speed work for the skier?"

Bob: "An interesting evaluation. To a certain degree, I suppose, but often the margin of victory is determined by the achievement of maximum speed generated by the skiers themselves."

Dave: "Heck, in baseball, you can't say someone like David Wells was ever required to achieve maximum speed."

Bob: "Sure he was. If someone dropped a bunt down the third base line, he had to cart his Iowa-sized butt over there pronto."

Dave: "I suppose you're right. Wow, I'm exhausted over losing this argument. Let's get a beer."

Bob: "A beer, yes....boxing...now there's one that fall between the cracks."

As a public service to all, the top ten non-sports composite Dave and Bob eventually agreed on were golf, auto racing, horse racing, bowling, gymnastics, skateboarding, boating (to include sailing, kayaking, scull), fishing, figure skating, and weightlifting.

And so on. The great debate will continue as long as there are lulls in the action, and golf announcers whisper so as not to disturb the concentration of these great athletes as they hover endlessly around a motionless dimpled white ball.