Ten Things to Avoid Saying to a Pregnant Lady

Pregnant women are targets for all manner of inappropriate remarks and unsolicited advice. Something about the protruding belly seems to invite no end of thoughtless comments and war stories from those who know...and those who don't even have a uterus. Take it from a nine-months pregnant lady -- here are a few suggestions for some words to avoid when you encounter another Preggo McBeggo.

1.) "Ready to pop yet?" Largely because, chances are, she's already been asked this numerous times today. And being asked if you're ready to pop is sort of unbecoming, don't you think?

2.) "Are you still working?" I can't see myself asking another pregnant person this, even though it seems rather non-assuming. At this point, I've been asked this so many times and the reaction I get from people is either pitying or judgmental. It's a very personal decision to work during pregnancy, especially right up until D-Day. It's a decision that weighs heavily on couples who are trying to juggle paychecks and health insurance as best they can. The United States is on par with Swaziland in terms of sophisticated benefits/care for expectant and new parents. It's a real burden to work, but it's a burden to not work for many expectant parents in a country where maternity leave is largely unpaid and the judgment and pity of others does not help to support expectant parents. I think if I am trying to find out how a pregnant lady is doing in her latter months, I'll simply ask how she is managing everything. If she wants to talk about work or not working, great. If not, I'll know that it's really her business.

3.) "Have you packed your bag yet?" Now, there is really nothing wrong with this question. It's just that some people have a way of posing it in a loaded manner. I hadn't packed my bag until a couple of weeks ago and I recently had a friend call me up and tell me how her friends in Canada had their bags packed at seven months. This made me feel so bad and inadequate. And really. Are you all that interested in whether or not I packed granny pants and a tray for ice chips? Or are we just making small talk now?

4.) "You're HUGE!" Explanation not necessary.

5.) "Do you know the baby's gender?" No, because that's patently impossible. At this time, ultrasounds are unable to detect whether a baby will be masculine or feminine -- only society can determine gender. Ultrasounds can, however, provide a fairly accurate guess as to the sex of a baby -- male or female, that is.

6.) "You're not going to tell me which names you've picked?!" Picking out names is a really special experience and it really doesn't matter if one's family or friends don't like the name. So why badger expectant parents beforehand? Will you love the child any less if it is named Bhurkina Serena Stud Lee?

7.) "You're really not going to find out the sex of the baby? How can you DO that?" Choosing to not know the sex of our baby has been very empowering in my experience. I've not stressed about whether or not my husband and I will measure up as parents to a girl or a boy, plus, in a greedy kind of way, if we should have a girl and a boy someday, the nice uni-sex items we've received for Baby #1 can definitely be worn again (if they're not totally poop-stained one day).

8.) Have you heard of this new product....? Sometimes I feel like my life is the Truman Show and that I should suspiciously note when my friends seem to be peddling the same product over and over again. Maybe these brands are major sponsors of my own Truman Show? Who knows. But all I can say is that since I became pregnant, I have totally exceeded my bandwidth for product promos. For example, I've received five - count 'em five - e-mails from friends regarding the same cloth diaper brand. After awhile, I sort of feel like there must be other exciting things going on in the world? Something more phenomenal than new cloth diapering strategies? Nothing wrong per se with sending the occassional link to the expectant parent. Just bear in mind that they have probably already been deluged by the consumerism and might appreciate the latest piece you heard about the fearful extinction of the wooden golf tee on NPR.

9.) No Baby Yet? Hormones have a way of stepping up to answer this question. I recommend not finding out what that response may be.

10.) That kid is going to be HUUUUUUGE. We learned it in kindergarten. If you don't have something nice to say, just tell me that you like my shoes. And try not to notice the swollen ankles. Thanks.