Ten Things You Should Never Say to a Canadian

Is it possible to make a Canadian mad? What issues get under their skin? Aren't Canadians all pot smoking igloo dwellers with pet beavers and a love for poutine? Canadians are tolerant and avoid confrontation but watch out if you make one mad. We might send our army of one tank to your house if you dare to repeat these phrases.

1.
Hockey sucks, isn't there anything else on TV? Sorry folks, it's just ingrained in our nature. We're born with skates and make cradles from nets. Don't try to insult our national game or that shirt will be over your head!

2.
My beer is warm; can I get a new one? There are two things fundamentally wrong with this question that Canadians will be sure to tell you. Wasting beer is a sin that isn't tolerated here. So is nursing your beer till it's warm!

3.
Aren't Canadians like wanna-be Americans? This phrase will really make a Canadian mad. We truly are proud of our country. Doesn't that one flag in Vancouver show our national pride? We sold the rest to buy beer on E-bay!

4.
Hey, you can't pay your bill with Monopoly money! Okay, I know our money looks a little phony but our ancestors were ahead of their time. Aren't colored iBooks and iPhones the latest craze? Don't get me started on the perks of our Toonie!

5.
So like, do you know Joe from Montreal? Oh sure, Joe, isn't he the pot smoking igloo dweller with a beaver eating poutine? Our provinces are bigger than you think. Joe may be listed as our friend on Facebook but we're just too polite to block users!

6.
You pay how much in taxes? Yes, we're well aware of our atrocious taxes but at least our health care is free. I'm sure all of our taxes are put to good use. Does Sarah Palin need more lingerie?

7.
So, like are there any famous Canadians I would know? Did you forget about Joe from Montreal? Famous Canadians include Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Bryan Adams, Alanis Morissette, Keanu Reeves, Wayne Gretzky, Jim Carey and maybe two more I'm forgetting. Sure, they all move to America to become rich and famous, but so do all of our doctors!

8.
So, like does Canada actually patrol their border? No, accordingly to the media American convicts are more than welcome. Bribe our Mounties with pot and they'll wave you right in!

9.
I don't like Tim Hortons, where's the Starbucks café? Hey now you've definitely gone to far if you repeat this phrase. Tim Hortons coffee is like our second favorite drink after beer! Sure we may have some sort of addiction problem, but have you tried their double double?

10.
So, like do all Canadian dress up like Don Cherry? Yes we all wear plaid suits with polka-dot ties while we play Monopoly with our phony money. We base on fashion trends on the attire of Paris Hilton's dog. At least it's better than Dennis Rodman!

Canadian's are proud but like to laugh at themselves. Can't you tell when you watch our TV? I can't wait for Survivor in the Great White North and see the Quebecers plot to vote themselves out!