Ten Things Not to Say at a Wedding

Between the excitement and festivity of the wedding celebration itself and the loose tongues that may develop after a wedding toast or two, people at a wedding can be very talkative. When they find themselves seated at a table with six or eight other people, guests often try to make conversation for the sake of conversation, to fill in the blanks between major events at the reception or while waiting for courses to be served or cleared. Whatever the reason for the chatter, a wedding is not necessarily a gathering of your own best friends who understand you or have learned to take you with a grain of salt. Before you go to a wedding it might help you and the folks you are going to sit with for you to review these ten things not to say at a wedding.

1. Why did they have both a priest and a minister on the altar? If there were two clergymen or women present undoubtedly it was by design and by agreement of the bride and groom. Calling attention to this nuance in the service may make others think that you feel like one of the clergymen was unnecessary. A sentence like this can inadvertently open the subject of religion, which like politics is always best left alone. Unless you have comments that are equally praiseworthy of both faiths represented this is a good example of one thing not to say at a wedding.

2. Do you think the caterer gave them other options? While your aim might be to just start a general conversation about catering or wedding meals in general, this question seems meant to imply that the caterer really should have steered the couple in a different direction. Without meaning to perhaps you have hinted at the fact that at least you would have been pleased if another meal option had appeared. Looking a gift horse in the mouth is never good form. Besides, if you are sharing a wedding celebration and being fed along the way, whatever arrives in front of you really should be appreciated.

3. I never realized the bride was taller than the groom. This is a remark that no bride or groom is likely to want to get wind of. If the bride appears taller than the groom it is likely because she has decided to wear those heels she loves and he could care less. It might also be because she is wearing flats and is just plain taller than the groom. The thing is, if you were paying attention during the wedding ceremony you heard them say "I do", so you know that regardless of an inch here or there, the couple is pretty much okay with each other. You need to recognize that this is another thing not to say at a wedding.

4. Why do you suppose they sat us together? If the people with whom you are sharing a table are even in the slightest bit sensitive you may have dropped a tiny bombshell with this statement. While you may be vaguely trying to say," isn't this great that somehow we got put at the same table", it's hard for this not to sound like "why did we get stuck with you". If you are disappointed about where you are sitting, try to think about worse seating arrangements and try to somehow convince yourself that you lucked out.

5. I always think money is such an impersonal gift. More often then one might imagine ,people from all income brackets feel anxious about their wedding gift. For that reason many people have gotten into the habit of taking the trauma out of gift buying and simply sealed up some cash with an appropriate card. But somewhere in the back of many people's minds is the recognition that somehow they didn't do all they should have done by this bride and groom. By making the point that money might not be quite so personal as another gift, you have unintentionally set off the guilt alarm around the table and people may begin to wonder what the bride and groom will think when such close friends just threw some money at them. Others may think that if all they gave was money, maybe they should have given more. Want to be this wasn't something to say at a wedding.

6. Does the maid of honor look pregnant to you? When you are seated for an extended time waiting for various courses to arrive it is almost impossible for some people to keep from staring at the head table and coming up with random comments. This is one that you really want to keep on the shelf. Either you know the maid of honor is pregnant or you don't. If you know she is, then you don't have to ask the question. If you are unsure, it should be the subject of a very private inquiry at another time and only if there is a good reason why you need to know. If your point is to hint that the maid of honor has added on a few extra pounds, try to remember this is a celebration not a roast.

7. The last wedding I went to I actually could hear the person next to me. There are lots of instances when the music chosen by a couple is great but overpowering. Groups may simply be using sound equipment that is not a good match for the size of the hall or this may be just a loud live band or d.j. Whatever the case, there is nothing you can do about it. The bride and groom didn't set out to sabotage your conversational ability. You might see loud music as a good reason to not have to worry too much about chatting. Just shrug your shoulders, point towards your ears and the rest of the table will understand that you can't hear them. Don't draw unpleasant comparisons that when you think about it probably aren't even accurate.

8. Now is that his real mom the groom is dancing with? In today's society, 50 percent of all couples end up divorced. When you do the math you realize that the chances either the bride or the groom or both will come to their wedding with step parents and biological parents in tow are pretty good. So what difference does it make if the groom is sharing a dance with the woman who bore him or the woman who he has come to know through his dad? If they both seem happy that's all that matters. There really is no need to pass judgment in the middle of a wedding.

9. Don't you think it's unusual not to have an open bar? This comment is heard most often from someone who really likes to drink or from someone who really hates to pay for anything him or her self. Sometimes it's a combination . In truth an open bar can add an unbelievable burden on the wallet of the father of the bride or whoever is taking on the bill. Perhaps that person decided it was more important to have a nice place for the reception or decided to give the couple an added present rather then to provide alcohol for the crowd for several hours. If you go to weddings to get drunk at someone else's expense then you might have missed the point of the wedding in the first place.

10. What do bubbles have to do with getting married anyway? An old custom used to be to throw rice at the bride and groom as they departed the reception. A new custom, not so widely used but still popular, is to have guests use tiny bottles of bubble mix and wands to create a beautiful bubble archway for the couple to pass through as they leave their reception. Bubbles are cleaner to use and leave no mess behind. They aren't wasteful in any way. They can be used by everyone assembled and they give an airy, joyful feel to the hall. What more can you ask for in a wedding reception. Perhaps someone got up on the wrong side of the wedding cake.

It's always a good idea to think before you speak. Thoughtful speech at a wedding reception can keep the number of hurt feelings and raised eyebrows to a minimum and help everyone, especially the bride and groom, to enjoy their day.