Ten Things I Wish I Knew when I was Thirteen

I'm not sure how I survived being thirteen years old. That was the year I ran away from home, got caught hitchhiking out to Folsom lake with my friend Andrea and wrote my first suicide note. It was a rough year!

In the years since then, I have often found myself in the middle of learning something that I wish I could go back in time and tell that thirteen-year-old kid. In that spirit here are:

Ten things I wish I knew when I was Thirteen...

It's not that everybody dislikes you, it's that they are busy thinking everybody dislikes them. Every single interesting person I have met in my adulthood has one thing in common. They thought they were disliked in middle school. They were the kids who were a little bit odd, maybe they were even a little bit of a geek. Or shy. I think those difficult middle school years were the foundation of some of what makes them interesting adults. So think of these years as a pay off to something that will someday be a really great life.

Let's talk about authority figures, parents, teachers, and I suspect even the President of the United States. The people in charge are just winging it. Basically adults are pretty good actors with more money and power than you have. Someday you will realize that half of it is just sheer confidence. I know you suspect that at some point they figured it all out; maybe they were even given all the answers, but secretly they are just scared little kids trapped in adult bodies.

Another thing you should know is that if you are a girl, boys are terrified of you and vice versa. Remember, sheer self-confidence. Interestingly this fear thing lasts for a long time. I see single people in there 30's who haven't figured it out yet.

At age thirteen, your job is school. You might hate school and you might have convinced yourself that you even hate learning, but here is the real kicker. Your whole life is going to be a series of learning new things and eventually, hopefully you will learn to enjoy the process. One of my favorite people is 92 years old and he is still studying new things. He spends a good part of his days reading and does puzzles to help keep his mind sharp. He is always fun to talk to, because I always walk away with more knowledge than I had before our conversation. As you get older you'll notice that your best teachers are not sitting behind a desk. For example, I just learned a lot about living a peaceful life from a homeless man I knew. If you are at all lucky, your life will be full of teachers like that. The other thing you will discover is that some of your best teachers will wind up being kids. We can all learn a lot from each other if we just listen. So pay attention. Learn how to read well. You'll be a better thinker if you spend some of your life reading books.

Adults will tell you that your teenage years go by quickly and you should "enjoy them". When you are thirteen, time drags as slowly as your grandma does when she drives you to the grocery store. Both are true. Life is full of little quandaries like that.

You are a lot smarter than you think you are, but you still have so much to learn.

Take it easy on your parents. I know it might be hard to believe, but they really do love you. Someday you will see how smart they were and you will wish you had been nicer to them.

Yeah, I know you are full of self-loathing, but just stop for a little while and watch something really beautiful; the moon, or a river. Just be quiet and give yourself a break from feeling like a thirteen year old. It will be good practice for you because someday you'll be 30 and be full of self-loathing and need to take a little vacation from yourself.

You wish you were older. You wish you had your driver's license and a job and could get away from your neighborhood, your city. Assuming that you are able to retire at 65, you will spend about 47 years working. This is why adults tell you that your life is easy. You only have a few more years to play video games without thinking of them as a guilty pleasure.

Life is going to knock you down. Sometimes you will fall hard. The people who help you get back up again are your tribe. Treat them well.